Why it’s important to love yourself first

This is a contribution to Barbara Franken’s call for posts about why it is important to love ourselves first. https://memymagnificentself.wordpress.com/2015/06/08/loving-self-first-is/

What does it mean to love ourselves first?
For me, it means taking care of my inner peace first. I turn my attention 180 degrees inwards, away from the 3d world, away from all thoughts and emotions, and then I look at awareness itself. That is how I find the place of inner peace. Unconditional inner peace. Peace and joy no matter what the circumstances are.

Inner peace is our real nature.
At first, I thought that inner peace is just another emotional state. But, no! It is our real nature. Being there means being Home.

Inner peace is the place of power.
I realized that wishes tended to be fulfilled promptly when I was in inner peace. I thought, ‘Cool, this is like having a magic wand!’ Whereas when I was in a state of emotional turmoil, weird and annoying things started to happen (- my specialities seem to be broken electrical appliances when I am angry).
If I am not at peace and instead get reactive to the events around me, this emotional state will be the very cause for the next round of disasters. It is as if the universe says, “Dear child, you like feeling angry and upset? Well, let’s see what I can do for you.” And, boom, like a rabbit out of the wizard’s hat, there will be another round of problems.

Inner peace is the place from which intuition comes.
The inner wise voice of guidance can be heard or felt more clearly if we are at peace. Whereas, when there is emotional turmoil, the still small voice is inaccessible.

Inner peace is the place from which love fills us.
We can only give what we have received. We are like a garden hose nozzle with water flowing through. In order to water the plants, the nozzle first needs to receive the water from the source. It can only let out as much water as it has received before. I can only give love when I have received it before. I receive love from inside when I am at peace. If  people don’t find this place of connection to Source, then they can behave clingy in relationships. There will always be searching for fulfillment coming from the outside.

I remember that the Raj material contains many statements about how we must learn to be ‘divinely selfish’. Here is  a quote I have found:

“You cannot think yourself into greater appreciation of another. If you could, your appreciation would be theoretical. Appreciation arises out of Knowing, out of experience. So, let your primary desire be to know your Self more and more significantly. It is to know what God is being, because God is being You. […] You could call this a divine selfishness. But the wonderful thing about divine selfishness is that it blesses everyone, because it does not block the essential Presence of God right where You Are. It does not obscure It.”
(Raj/Jesus, channeled by Paul N. Tuttle, https://nwffacim.wordpress.com/)
Source : CONVERSATIONS WITH RAJ, OCTOBER 1985 ,Vol. 2, No. 10
http://heavenlydesigns.homestead.com/files/vol2num101985.htm

I’m not the doer

A while ago, I was inquiring into the aggregates of the little ‘me’, this separate entity, which is a sticky illusion.

And one thing I was stuck with was the sense of being the author of an action. I know I am awareness, and the body-mind arises in awareness (and not the other way round) – and yet there is this sense that this body-mind can choose to do an action. I was reading Consciousness Speaks by Ramesh Balsekar, and he repeats over and over that we are not the ‘doer’ of an action but that the action happens through us.

Theoretically, I understood that, but I longed for an experience that would make it clear to me.

Now, imagine Source smiling behind the curtain, thinking, ‘Let’s have some fun with her and teach her this lesson.’

On the next weekend, I went for a short walk to the woods. The rest of my family stayed inside. I left the house, shut the door, and walked 20 minutes to a bench. I sat down, relaxed and enjoyed the beauty of the hillside and the trees. After a while, I decided to get up and go back home.

All of a sudden, I realized I didn’t have my waist pack with me (which I usually use for keys, money, etc).

OMG! Panic. My mind started racing. The keys, credit cards, driver’s license… I went back to the bench. No waist pack there. Then, I started running back home. Was it lost along the way?

After a few minutes, my mind calmed down. No way, I could have lost the waist pack. I would have noticed that. I probably had forgotten to take it with me in the first place.

I arrived at home , my children opened the door and the waist pack and keys were safely at home.

What a relief!

What did I learn from that?

I have never forgotten my keys before. I used to assume that this is due to the fact I am a well-organized person and in control of my actions.

Ha! How wrong! I am not in control.

That lesson proved to me that the thought ‘Now take the waist pack with me before I go out’ is put into my mind from outside. That means this body-mind is not the author of the action.

How humbling for my ego to realize that the body-mind is on remote control!

I’m always fascinated to see how the universe acts as a teacher and how requests for lessons are answered in a gentle but powerful way.