Spirit guide rant about grief

The destination of the spiritual journey is remembering who we truly are (and then living from that). This is a shift in identity and necessarily entails the loss of the former self-image.

And that loss can be painful. So, there are emotions which have to be looked at, acknowledged, and then let go. They come in layers like in an onion.

Below my layer of anger about feeling exploited, there was a layer of sadness. Sadness about having to let go a huge part of my identity. And the universe nudged me via several posts here on WordPress and a movie (Inside Out) to take care of that layer of sadness again and to grieve.

So, I did grieve. Rather shortly, but very thoroughly. Noticed how the grief came in waves; and how I was about to drown in it.

But then two light bulbs burned out on two consecutive days. Oh no! Not that old problem again. They used to burn out when I was very angry. I thought I was done with that.

What is going on here? I thought I was encouraged to take care of the grief. Why do I get these consequences now?

So, I turned within and asked, “Can I have advice on what to do about the grief? Do you encourage me to grieve or not?”

Here is what I received from the inner voice (of spirit guide A.). It comes as a voiceless voice, like thoughts appearing in my mind which I did not think myself. Sometimes as sentences, sometimes as blocks of thought which I have to put into words. Even though this is not an audible voice, I perceive it as high in intensity, almost shouting at me, impatient to get his point across. I share this as an example of guidance received in an inner voice dialogue.

A: “You can hear me. Don’t pretend that you can’t!
So you want to grieve? Yes, you can do so. And you need to do so. Grief is more appropriate than anger now. You have acted on the anger. So let that go.

Now take care of the grief. Acknowledge it. Heal your wounds. But don’t drown in it! I see that you want to stay home, sit in a corner, hug yourself and cry. But if you take a decision like staying home when there is a party outside, cutting yourself off from friends, wallowing in self-pity, then you are making it real! You are cutting yourself off from Source. You are saying, “Nobody loves me, I am sooo sad that I am not loved, I am a victim, I am hopeless, it is totally justified that I feel like crap and stay at home and cry and will never ever talk to anyone again, especially not about my f*cked up spiritual journey. Because I am such a fraud. Because I believe that it is inappropriate to feel sadness if I am committed to inner peace.”

That is bullshit. BULLSH*T. Do I need to repeat it again? [BLEEP!]

Acknowledge the sadness, yes! But don’t give in to it. That means don’t let yourself be pulled into it. It is like a giant arm which comes out of a dark lake and grabs you and pulls you into the water. See the arm , but don’t grab the hand. Don’t drown. Because it is built on a lie! You are grieving the loss of your former self-image. But you have never been that! You are the consciousness that contains it  and contains everything else. You are the screen on which the scene is painted. Don’t identify yourself with that little person part on the screen. Let go of the attachment to that person.

If you give in to the grief too much, you are making it real. You are telling yourself that grief is justified because you have really lost something.

However, loss is not possible.

Remember past events when you have lost something. Hasn’t it been replaced with something better? Sometimes you need to make space for something new. It is like decluttering your closet. Make space to breathe. And then you can get new clothes.”

K: “Why is this so hard? Why do I have such a hard time to feel grief and yet not get sucked into it? Clearly, the light bulbs indicate that I have gone too far, don’t they?”

A: “Yes and no [smiles]. There is no wrong path, remember. There is no ‘too far’. You are just presented with the consequences of your thoughts. Always. Free of judgment. So, do you want to think these thoughts?

You must learn not to do what the feeling makes you want to do.

If the anger makes you want to kick someone else’s shin, you have learned not to give in to that urge, right?

Same here. If the sadness makes you want to cut yourself off from friends, then do not follow that urge. Acknowledge the sadness, yes. But do not get led into an action by it.

Watch from the witness place. Stay conscious.”

After that pep-talk, the current wave of grief lasted a few more days and then subsided. At least for the time being. Since this process comes in a spiralling movement which feels like back and forth, back and forth,  I am not sure whether this phase will return or not.

I wanted to make the point that inner peace is not about suppressing emotions, but about acknowledging them, feeling them,  and then letting them go. And inner guidance is always available to us.

29 thoughts on “Spirit guide rant about grief

  1. Thanks for being so open here Karin. Your example is so helpful because it is accessible. Anger is rarely anger. It is often fear and sometimes sadness behind the fear. We chose our favorite coping skills and favorite emotions. I was a huge fan of anger. It made me feel powerful and got me noticed. But that was an illusion. I still feel anger, but not like before. Mostly because I examined what was happening behind the scenes.

    This path is not easy at all and I think that for many, the reason we continue is that it is even more difficult to stay asleep.

    You have my support and admiration.

    bug hugs, Linda

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for your appreciative comment, Linda, and for sharing your own experience here. Yes, we choose our favorite emotion and our favorite coping mechanism. Makes sense. There is something powerful about anger which makes it more attractive than sadness or fear.
      I am glad to hear that my example shared is accessible. That is what I strive to do, share accessible examples. So, thank you for that feedback.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The witness state did help me, greatly. It gave me an opportunity to step back and not drown. And once I was able to do that, my emotions seemed to have lost their power over me. I did not stay in the witness state for long. Thank you again Karin, for your help.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your kind comment and for sharing your experience. Yes, witnessing is an important technique. I am glad to hear that this has helped you to get through a difficult part of the journey.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow Karin, seems our experiences of late are in tune with one another’s… remarkable.. :-) and I hope to put into words my experience you have done a wonderful job here of getting that message across..
    And I think many of us right now are shedding yet more layers of self or what we perceive as self right now .. Here’s to our emergence through acknowledgement of our emotions Love Sue xxx <3

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for your comment, Sue. It is amazing to see how often there are similarities in the journeys. This seems to be a time of death and rebirth. There are several posts about that subject today in my reader.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for sharing you inner process, Karin. I especially loved the last paragraph.
    For myself, I often need to surrender to the grief and go wherever it takes me, and trust I won’t drown, as Love is always present.
    I liked it when the inner voice changed, smiled and gave some really good advice and ended with, “Stay conscious.”
    Blessings and Light

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for your appreciative comment, Mary. You are blessed that you can grieve and rely on that it takes you wherever it needs to take you. I realize that this process is different for different people. I always get these signs when I have gone into the emotion too far.
      Thanks for commenting and sharing your experience here.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Absolutely, this process is different for different people. You are wise to follow your inner counsel. Thank you for your response.
        Blessings to you Karin,

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Thankyou for your candour Karin, you detail a brutally intimate dialogue, if I may put it like that. And yes, dis-identification is all that is necessary – the beginning and ending of all spiritual seeking; would you agree? For just so long as we remain identifying as a subject apprehending objects of grief, anger, happiness, pleasure, wisdom, knowledge, purity, then for just so long do we remain trapped in that dichotomy. I do not know if that way of expressing the matter chimes with your own thinking or methodology, and apologise if such concepts are inappropriate to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment, Hariod. I agree it comes down to a disidentification, or to a shift in identity. And then living from that.
      Just how exactly that shift is achieved and processed, that seems to be different for everyone. For some, it seems to be an intellectual process. For others, it is more a gut level process. Or a mixture of both. Or maybe there are some underlying similarities to this process.
      I find this topic most interesting to explore. What is involved in making this shift ? How does it show up in everyday life – during the shift as well as afterwards. What does it feel like on an emotional level to make this shift? What various approaches are there? Which approach is suited for which character type?
      Many questions and many topics for future posts.
      Thanks for contributing here.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. My dear Karin, I feel its time to stop looking for external signs and validation. Do you need this permission to let go of another layer? This is the time to truly embrace all that is alive in you. It is wonderous and challenging. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your caring comment ,Val.
      Do I need permission to let go? No, but maybe I need to clarify here. When I was turning inside and asking, I wanted to know how to stay on the fine line between drowning in an emotion on the one hand and acknowledging it and feeling it on the other hand.
      I did not ask for permission to let go of a layer.
      About validation from the outer signs: paying attention to the signs and patterns of events which are occurring in the seemingly outer world has become important to me. It is as if the universe is talking to me on all channels. I am constantly reminded that there is no difference between inside of me and outside of me since everything happens in consciousness and therefore everything is inside of me. What is seemingly outside is just mirroring what is seemingly inside. Ignoring signals I get from the seeming outside would feel like a step backwards for me.
      Thanks for showing your concern.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m amazed by the light bulbs, and the inner voice seems to me to be saying let go of these things. But you remain attached, letting go bit by bit until it’s only by a thread and maybe it’s via this thread-like radio antenna, that these uncommon things are occurring…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comment. I am amazed by the lightbulbs as well. It is uncommon, for sure. Many do not experience this. But there are people who do. I am not the only one. For the others who blow out light bulbs, it seems to be connected to intense emotional states. For some it occurs only during intense distress, but others experience this also during intense joy. And for others it is not connected to emotional states but occurs regardless of emotion. There are folks who cannot wear watches or who frequently trash earphones.
      In my case, these things usually occur during distress. I take them as a sign that I have to go into inner peace regardless of outer circumstances. You stressed the importance of detachment. That is a good point. More detachment would certainly help. I just don’t know how to detach without allowing grief.
      Anyway, light bulbs are fine again now.
      Thanks for your concern.


  8. GREAT post Karin! It seems like you are becoming more and more aware, and as you do the deeper emotions are finally looked at and allowed. I like the idea to not act on what the emotion tells us to do. I am finding just being aware of what is arising is all that needs to be “done.”

    Liked by 1 person

  9. So much has been said in response to your wonderful, deeply moving post – nothing I want to add but thank you for sharing…there is a lot of truth in the ‘drowning in grief’. There is a tendency to hold on to our old patterns when they resurface (even though we had the intention of letting them go)… good bye grief

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comment. Yes, there is a tendency to hold on. Probably this causes the spiralling movement.
      It would be nice to know when one is done with a certain emotion. Has it been processed enough or is there something left which can resurface later?


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