As I lay half-awake in bed around 3 am on May 14, the inner voice started to talk again. At first, with compliments and congratulations regarding the recent workshop on divine guidance.
But then it said, “I want you to hold an internationally available online seminar”. And afterwards, I had the song “Live is Life” in my head. I guess that meant it had to be a ‘live’ webinar.
§@$§&%.!!!
*Sigh*.
Ok, it is not that bad. After all, I am not required to travel, book venues, invent a logo, print flyers, and all that stuff. It will just be webinar. Just talking into a lifeless camera hole for about an hour. I should be able to accomplish that.
Originally, I had planned to do the workshop on divine guidance end of March 2017 and then to retreat into cave time again in order to rest and heal more. Maybe my rheumatoid arthritis would improve after a past-life regression hypnosis? I wanted to focus on self-care and healing.
I did not dare to listen to the inner voice because I was afraid it would tell me bluntly what I had to do next. And I am fed up with constantly getting new tasks.
But only about a week after I had posted the script of the workshop, I already got this new assignment.
Afterwards, my usual course of events started, similar to what I have described in ‘the universe’s bag of tricks’.
Resistance, followed by dreams that tried to persuade me with metaphors that I ‘needed to nurture my baby’. That it would be ‘a piece of cake’. That it is a ‘leap of faith’ which is required and which will lead me to happiness. An inner voice which told me that I must speak.
More resistance, followed by dreams that threatened me (-in one of them a person dressed in a skeleton costume walked behind me, as if to tell me that death is going after me if I resist).
Still more resistance, and I got clogged drains everywhere and other mirroring patterns (for example, no network connections or people not answering my comments and emails).
More resistance, and now I feel a tightness in my throat chakra again. Just like back in 2013, when I resisted sharing anything of my experiences at all.
Alright. So, I will have to do this webinar if I don’t want to feel choked again.
I wonder where this will lead to. I can see the puzzle pieces falling into place. This blog, the youtube video, the divine guidance workshop. It is all about coming out of hiding and sharing. Expressing myself, becoming visible, and speaking up. And I find it stressful each time I get a new assignment.
I often wonder why I am chosen to speak about guidance even though I am so resistant. Or maybe it is exactly because I am so resistant? Maybe I will teach what I need to learn? Not only listening to guidance, but also how the process of surrendering happens in slow motion?
Whenever I asked some channels about these patterns, the answer was always, “Follow your joy.” Yeah, good idea! My joy is journaling and taking walks in nature. But anything that has to do with workshops is stress. Therefore, it feels as if I have to choose between my joy and my guidance. That is probably not how it is supposed to be.
Rather, I am often thinking of the story of Jonah. He was guided to go and preach in Nineveh but resisted. He got on a turbulent cruise trip instead and then got a ride in the stomach of a whale which transported him to his destination. Eventually, he had to give up his resistance.
Sure, Jonah, just ‘follow your joy’, and all will be well? Nope. It does not always work that way.
Also, this Bible passage speaks to me
“That servant who knows his master’s will but does not get ready or follow his instructions will be beaten with many blows.” (Luke 12:47) That means once I know what I am expected to do, I better follow it. If I don’t, I will get into trouble. That has been exactly my experience over and over again since 2013.
So, the phase I am going through is still about coming into alignment with the will of my higher self and it feels like I am being kept on an ever shortening leash.
I had other plans after the workshop in March. But if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
Spiritual Awakening 
Thanks for sharing this Karin. It is comforting to read that I’m not alone in these kinds of interactions with the Divine will. For the last 8 months, I’ve been guided by the choking (and burping) sensations (among many other unpleasant feelings). It’s like some magnificent internal GPS system, telling me which way to go at every turn. (Literally, all day long…)
I will share with you what I’ve learned through lots of painful trial and error, perhaps it will be helpful for you.
The answer here is a turning inward. It’s triggering you with these assignments, and asking you to turn toward your resistance. It wants you to investigate it, until you’ve brought everything into awareness. It wants you to see that resistance is a function of ego (a product of fear), and it wants you to understand why you have resistance.
That’s all it’s really interested in – your self discovery. It’s going to keep doing stuff to trigger you, until you sort out all the fear and false beliefs inside the reaction. The external stuff (the workshops and their relative outcomes) is secondary to your spiritual growth, which comes only from discovering ourselves.
Once you have a full understanding of the nature of your resistance, (going all the way back to when resistance patterns were first created in childhood), the emotional component (stress, fear, avoidance) will fall away, and you will feel neutral about any instructions you’re given.
Then (this is where follow your bliss comes in) you will start to take delight in being given instructions. Because it’s so much more fun not to be in control, not to feel responsible, or afraid, or in self-judgment, and to be just of service to the Divine will. When we undo our fears, all our creative inspirations become fun, because there is no concern for how the outcome will be judged. The outcome doesn’t matter. Then it’s an almost-impulsive carefree way of living.
I hope that makes sense. xoxo
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Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Angela.
Yes, I agree, this phase could be very well about walking through all the fears and finding out what the resistance is about.
I have sensed that in the past and tried to find out where the resistance comes from. In 2016, I took some lengthy cave time and described the findings of this phase in this post:
https://karinfinger.wordpress.com/2017/01/26/postcards-from-cave-time/
One of the findings was that a recurrent theme in my life is to express my point of view – even if others get upset about it. That could be the reason for the continuing list of assignments.
“Once you have a full understanding of the nature of your resistance, (going all the way back to when resistance patterns were first created in childhood), the emotional component (stress, fear, avoidance) will fall away, and you will feel neutral about any instructions you’re given. ”
I doubt that my resistance to having to organize a workshop will ever fall away. I simply don’t like having to organize events. This is like saying, “once you understand your resistance to Brussels sprouts, you will feel neutral about them all of a sudden.” I don’t know what you have experienced that you can make such a prediction. Maybe it is true for you, personally. But if you formulate it as “*You* will feel…” , then I am skeptical whether my experience will be the same as yours.
I hope it will turn out as you predict based on your own experience. At the moment, I do not feel much creative inspiration. The prevailing sense is more one of ‘why bother’. I mean, the workshop is done. The script is out there for free. Anyone who is interested can read it. Why do I need to do more?
Thanks for sharing your experience.
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Hi Karin.
How could I have missed this post? Maybe my reader is playing tricks on me. I really like what Angela had to say. It is always an inside job. And while I totally get why you have no desire to do this webinar, it is possible you will learn more about who you are. It may also put you on a path to attracting more circumstances that will accelerate your awakening.
From my perspective, it is very cool how your guidance works.Can you do what you love and still find some excitement about this new venture?
lotsa hugs, Linda :0
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Thanks for your encouraging comment, Linda.
When I published the post, I had forgotten to set the date and time properly. Therefore, it appeared in the reader as if published a few hours in the past. Even after correcting the time of the post, the reader did not reload it. Therefore, you probably could not see it.
Yes, it is an inside job. I will learn more about who I am, what I like and don’t like and what I can do or cannot do.
Maybe I will be able to enjoy it or at least find some positive aspects in it. I’ll see.
Hugs,
Karin
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Oh Karin you are so wise, brave and Divine! Hugs!! <3
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Thank you, Molly, for your supportive comment. Hugs.
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Hi Karin, so sorry I have missed your updates, I usually periodically come to visit and see if you have posted.. But I have not seen these in the reader or email.. SO apologies.. That inner voice will keep nudging us to move out of our comfort zone, but remember we also have free will, and when we are in alignment, these things will usually find their own way of manifesting without us forcing them.. So you should only follow those guidance’s if you are comfortable ..
I hope you are still finding your Joy Karin in all the things you do.. <3
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Thanks for your kind comment, Sue.
When I posted this post, WordPress set the time to the time where I did the first draft automatically. I tried to change it afterwards, but I could not make it appear in the readeR again. So, I did not show up in the readers of most people, I think.
Yes, the inner voice keeps nudging. Trying to find joy in what I am guided to do is an ongoing challenge.
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Iam another one who’s missing your posts dear karin… but it’s never too late… I’m a believer in following joy, but I slap know it’s about embracing my fears and like most people it’s about public speaking, especially about the subject of the soul as it’s so new! Since January I knew I had to begin doing Facebook lives, only in May did I pick myself up and just did it. It’s all about trusting our divine intelligence… it’s one thing on paper, but live! The good news is… it was great, i connected before and said ok… were on stage… and I felt her… I became quite emotional and allowed her to speak. You’ll know the right time😘 much love, barbara x
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Thanks for your kind and encouraging comments, Barbara. Btw, these two were put into the spam folder by WordPress initially. I don’t know why.
Good to hear that your facebook videos were joyful for you. Impressive that you did them!
Yes, you are right . On paper is one thing, and doing a video, and then even live, that is totally different.
I will have to face this at some time. At the moment, I am just trying to figure out how to go forward. And since the dismissal of a negative spirit guide, the topic of guidance might not be the most appropriate thing to talk about at the moment.
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But I also know…
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