If trust has been broken in a relationship with another human, it is difficult enough to restore it. But what about loss of trust in spirit guides?
In August 2016, I was lured by my guidance to go on a family hiking trip. Initially, I did not want to join this tour with 20 people in a mountain cabin. But signs and dreams occurred more than half a year in advance and were so persistent (-I even got a prophecy by someone else that I would get this task to go on this tour-) that I gave in eventually and agreed to join the trip. After all, I had learned in the past, that I had to obey guidance, otherwise weird stuff would happen or I would get sick.
While most of it was fine (the company of good friends, well-organized, good food, fantastic weather), the hike itself was way too strenuous for me. I had not thought about it before, since it was a family tour. And because I remembered that my kids at age 5 would not hike a lot, I thought it would be an easy tour which I would be able to manage even though I suffer from rheumatoid arthritis.
But the hike itself was way too strenuous, too long, too steep for me. And even worse, I got a bad flare up of my arthritis in my right foot due to going steeply downhill for a long time. This kept me unable to walk for 5 months afterwards. And even now it is not healed yet and my ability to walk is still restricted.
So, I trusted my guidance, and what did I get from that? Lasting physical damage!
I felt extremely let down after this experience. My emotions ranged from shock, anger, disbelief, sadness to fear that this might happen again.
How could I ever trust my guides again after that hike? Why, oh why did they lure me onto that hike?
I tried to get answers. My guides tried to rebuild the trust relationship after that, but I was not satisfied. Could I get a clear answer, please, about why they did this in the first place? Nope.
I tried my spiritual toolbox of forgiveness and acceptance. Maybe there was something good about it which I had overlooked. Maybe I just needed to accept the pain and learn whatever from it?
I asked some channels whether they could get more information. The answers ranged from “We just tried to show you how strong you are” , “You didn’t need to follow our guidance. You have free will.” to “You will be able to walk again end of January 2017”.
How could I ever talk about divine guidance with conviction after this had happened? I thought, ok, I would still hold the workshop on guidance end of March 2017, because I had promised it and I needed to get that task off my chest. But afterwards, I got a new assignment that I had to do a webinar.
I want clarity, dammit, before I hold this webinar! Otherwise, I will have to tell that following guidance can screw up your life and that I do not recommend it.
In summer 2017, my inner voice and dreams started to direct me to a certain psychic medium (Lisa Wechtenhiser) who is able to talk to one’s spirit guides. I contacted Lisa and told her about the lasting physical damage and the resulting loss of trust.
At first, she talked to my guides and gave me similar information to what I got before , “Oh, you have free will. Just because the guides suggest something, you don’t need to do it.”
But I insisted that this is no satisfactory answer since I don’t really have free will anymore lately. I get assignments and usually weird stuff happens when I don’t follow.
So, she said, “Let me just channel them, so you can talk to them directly.”
And then something remarkable happened. As soon as she tuned into the guides, she was able to detect something like a disturbance in the force of the field. There was some guide in there that did not belong there.
She dismissed him from the group, and afterwards I got some completely different information about why this hike had happened.
The dismissed guide was a guide that I originally hired when I hired the entire group of guides. Initially, he was helpful. But later, he underwent a transformation, and his energy then fed off of my pain and my suffering. And so he needed to leave.
There was a veil over the hike that I would go on this trip with all good intentions, so that the negative guide could get whatever he needed. He always needed something going on and so created situations that put me in pain and suffering.
The rest of the guides tried hard to lessen the effects of what the negative guide did.
But the need for energy of this negative guide amped up over the last year. So, he was able to override the rest of the guides and put me into situations where all of my pain and suffering fed him. And he would have stayed.
The other guides were sorry that the trust connection had been damaged, but they said that they would try everything they can to rebuild that bridge with me.
My guides have sent me some signs of confirmation that this was real and not a made-up fairy tale. Now, they are trying to rebuild the broken trust, slowly and in baby steps. This takes time.
I would never have expected to which odd experiences my spiritual journey would lead me, when I first started out listening to teachings of ACIM and non-duality!
Now, I am left with a feeling of confusion about what to make of that story. How much of my past experiences has been influenced by that dismissed guide? Was he responsible for the very stern guidance I got up until now? And will I have more slack now? Time will tell.
I hope that my foot will heal over time and that I will be able to have a clear connection to my guidance and to trust them again.
Lessons for me:
-) Not only entities in the lower astral realms can be negative, but also spirit guides. It is very rare for spirit guides, but it can happen.
-) It might be a good idea to use some form of protection when communicating with guides. Something like a sovereignty statement or a visualisation of protecting light or so. Something that says, everyone who is not in my highest good, get out.
-) What a channel hears depends on whether they just talk to the guides or actually tune into their energy and channel them directly.
-) The concepts of acceptance and trust can be easily misunderstood. When one is in a dysfunctional, abusive relationship with another human or with a spirit guide, the most appropriate choice might be to leave that relationship.