It has been more than 2 months now since a negative spirit guide has been dismissed from my team. Here is what has occurred since then.
The guide who had to leave
Before the dismissal, I had a guide who showed up in visions with curly blonde hair and in contemporary clothing who sent me the name ‘Aaron’. He was the one who pushed me to share my stuff in various online formats. Since he appeared frequently in dreams, visions, and as inner voice, I thought that he was my main guide. But now, I have not seen him anymore. It seems that he is the one who got booted out.
Fear and confusion
My emotional state about what happened ranges from rather calm to fearful. Sometimes I am confident that I will be able to continue with the rest of the team of guides and I even long for communication with them. And at other times, it seems just too tempting to shut down the connection because I assume that this will keep me safe from being bossed around by the inner voice in the future.
I know that keeping my inner peace is important. So, I am trying to get back to inner peace whenever fear surges.
Also, I keep thinking about what part of my past experiences has been tainted by that guide. If I am to share this stuff, I don’t want to mislead people. I don’t think that I need to throw away everything and start from scratch. But the very strict guidance with partly threatening dreams and physical pain is probably not that common and might be more because of the negative guide. On the other hand, there are many stories of people who got ill after not obeying guidance. Did they all have negative spirit guides? Probably not. Maybe getting sick is just a natural consequence of resisting the soul’s calling.
Keep the faith
Around the time of the channeling where the negative guide was chased away, the word ‘Israel’ came up frequently in unexpected places, and also ‘Jacob’. So, I looked up the story of how Jacob wrestled with an angel and was renamed to Israel afterwards. Is that a message that there are special karma bonus points after one has survived such a struggle? lol
Anyway, it seems to encourage me to believe that something good will come from this.
Also, I get the number ‘2’ showing up frequently and in unusual places, which, to me, means to have faith.
Making contact with my guides
Currently, I am trying to make contact with the rest of the team. Each evening before sleep, I am lying in my bed and asking them to give me a physical sign that they are there. An electrical tingling sensation or a muscle twitching counts as a sign that they are trying to get my attention.
But sometimes, the muscle twitching gets into a cramp, or the tingling sensation turns into a shooting nerve pain. Then I tell them that they should not hurt me and need to try again. To establish rapport takes practice and patience on both sides of the veil.
Who are they? In dreams or visions, I got several different faces and names so far. But it seems like they were to be understood more metaphorically than literally. For example, the first one I got was a big man with the name ‘Max’. That seemed to mean that he is the biggest or greatest of them. His message for me was to spend more money on food and clothing for myself. I tend to be content with simple and cheap stuff. Sounds like he is encouraging me to show more self-love in these areas.
Messages by the other guides were about manifestation with joy and faith and about using my voice.
They all say that they want to encourage me with joy rather than by threatening me (like the negative guide did before). So, that looks like a positive change.
Whenever I ask for their guidance, listen, and then actually follow their answer, they send me signs of much appreciation and celebration. As if they know how hard it is for me to find that trust again and as if they want to show me how happy they are that I try nevertheless.
I still do get dreams and visions. Some of them talked about the importance of coming into a joyful mood. But often, the dreams are less blunt and their meaning is harder to decipher.
In summary, making contact with the team of guides takes trust, practice, patience, and a lot of fine-tuning.
Do I have more slack now?
In the past, it felt as if my free will was getting less and less and I was on a very short leash. When I did not obey the guidance, I would get sick or other trouble would happen. Even though I don’t have throat chakra issues at the moment (like breathing trouble in the past), I still do get uncomfortable physical symptoms when I procrastinate too long without blogging anything. This time, it is a pressure between my shoulder blades (which feels like someone is poking his finger into my back). That means, even now, I do not really have an unlimited amount of slack.
I have been told that there are two available tracks. I can either take the slow path (do what I feel drawn to do, e.g. journaling, taking long walks, just being at peace) or the path of fast growth (blog more, do a webinar). Or I can even take a mixture of these two. So, that means I will still have to do the webinar about guidance. But it does not have to be right away and it does not need to be live (as I originally thought).
My guides have asked me to post at least once a week. However, I told them that I cannot commit to that. Then they asked me to at least state my commitment and firm intent to share all about the topic of guidance. I thought long and hard, but found again that I cannot even make that commitment, especially not after I had a negative guide.
At the moment, I just want to feel safe. I do not want to feel pressured. From that feeling of safety, I hope that intrinsic motivation and joy will arise to share – not only on the topic of guidance but also about the phases and challenges of the spiritual journey.