In response to my inner turmoil about not being promoted, the universe sent me some messages.
On an internet forum, someone mentioned the German satire Wiener Titelwalzer by Ephraim Kishon in which he makes fun of the inflationary use of titles in Austria (like professor, doctor, counselor etc.) (- this story is not available in English, but the title could be translated as Viennese Title Waltz).
I wasn’t aware yet to what extent the universe could respond to my urgent inner cry, but that looked like more than a mere coincidence to me. It was like a message,
‘Titles mean nothing. They are ridiculous. It doesn’t matter whether you ever get a promotion for your work or not. Be content with what you have.’
The situation of introverts
Then someone mentioned a book by Gunter Dueck in which he described the various types of Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personalities and discussed how the introverts have a much harder time than extroverts getting appreciation in our society.
That was an eye-opener for me.
Suddenly I felt understood. It is just a feature of our society that organizing and communicating are valued more than quiet and focused problem solving. That was a small comfort.
After half a year of intense emotional turmoil, I had the following highly symbolic dream on January 1st of 2010.
Hand in hand with my little son, I was walking towards the sea when we came to a fork in the road.
Straight ahead was the shortest way to the beach, but there was a dead stag in the middle of the street. It looked young, beautiful, and innocent.
I felt uncomfortable having to step over that dead deer. Therefore, I chose to take a right turn and tried to get to the seaside on a different route. Besides, on the street to the right my parents were walking in front of me. Thus, it seemed that this way couldn’t be entirely wrong.
Halfway to the beach, we arrived at a house. We were exhausted, went in and asked to stay a while in order to get some rest. People were friendly and let us in. We were allowed to sleep on mattresses on the floor.
The next day, my son and I wanted to go on to get to the beach and attempted to leave the house through the back door.
But what was that? Right behind the door was a huge active volcano. I saw that it was impossible to cross it. We would never arrive at the beach this way. Then I woke up.
Here is my interpretation:
The beach and seaside are symbols for freedom. I set out to find freedom. That is what the spiritual journey would lead me to.
I had to search the internet in order to find out what the stag meant. I found that it is a symbol for the Christ. I figured that the dream meant to tell me that I had to go the way of Jesus. That is, I was told to do the lessons of A Course in Miracles, which is a Jesus channeling.
If I chose the detour path, the road which people normally travel (like my parents), then I would never be able to find freedom. There would be unsurmountable obstacles (represented by the erupting volcano).
I assumed that this was what the dream wanted to tell me. However, it took me almost two more years of anger and suffering before I would follow its suggestion.
And after I would have followed the suggestion of the dream, the stag symbol would appear again – this time in a different way. I’ll describe that later.
After the big forgiveness opportunity was presented to me at work, the universe sent me a warning:
I was given tickets for the opera Rigoletto as a Christmas present.
I wonder whether the one who gave them to me knew what this story is about: Because of revenge, Rigoletto wants to have the Duke killed. But the Duke isn’t killed, and instead and by mistake, Rigoletto’s own daughter is killed, whom he loved dearly.
I interpreted that as a warning and felt humbled and very grateful towards the universe that told me,
‘Dear child, if you choose to act in revenge you will only hurt yourself.’
But still, I felt angry and didn’t know what to do about it.
This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).