Shortly after I had arrived on the mountaintop and in the same time frame where I had the experiences mentioned in the previous post, the guidance came through more strongly.
Meeting my guide
In May 2012, I felt a strange emotion which I could not label correctly. It was like a mixture of bitter remorse, anxiety, and a deep longing for something unknown. A feeling as if I was deeply sorry for something and would want to cry. But I didn’t cry. A feeling as if I was guilty of something and deserved punishment. There was just a feeling in my body which was located in my solar plexus region and went up to my heart.
Not only could I not label this feeling correctly, I also did not know where it came from. If it was regret or remorse, for what? And if it was fear, then of what was I afraid? And if it was longing, what did I long for?
So, I asked one evening before sleep where that odd feeling came from. And then I had a dream.
On a sunny day, I was with a few other people in a courtyard of a barn. Under the shade of parasols, we were discussing topics of enlightenment.
Suddenly a storm came up and we had to hurry to close down the large parasols and take them into the barn where they would be safe from the storm.
After that, I wanted to go back to the rest of the group who were already in the courtyard again. But as I wanted to go back, I looked down and saw a small abyss or small gap in the floor. I thought if I tried hard enough, I could probably jump over it.
As I was still wondering how to cross the gap, I felt someone pressing his body to my back. I turned to see who it was. A man with very short blond curly hair had put both arms from behind around my stomach and was trying to lift me across the gap. His face told me that he was in a bad mood.
When I asked him, why he looked so grumpy, I got the information that he was struggling to get me over the gap.
I felt sorry that I caused him trouble and said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. But I could try do it alone.’ Then I woke up.
That dream seemed to answer my question about the feeling. It seemed to be connected to a guide who wanted to help me to get over some obstacle.
Name of my guide
October 16, 2012. I woke up with pain in my hip. I wanted to sleep a bit longer, but I could not because of the pain. It would not allow me to lie on my stomach. So, I turned on my back and thought that it was probably a sign that I should meditate now.
Then I got a vision of a face. A young man, blue eyes, curly blond hair. He looked like the guy who wanted to carry me over the gap in the dream back in May 2012.
When I asked him, “What is your name?”, I saw before my inner eye the following typewritten letters spelled out:
A a r o n.
Wow. I got an image and the name of my guide. I was very pleased and grateful.
But then some disappointment crept in. Why wasn’t Jesus my guide? I had devoured so many Jesus channelings and thought that it would feel most natural if he showed up as my guide. But no, that had not happened.
The next morning the song ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’ played in my mind. I got the feeling that my guide was rolling his eyes and making fun of me.
‘Okay, at least he does have a sense of humor,’ I thought.
This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).