I had been very interested in the awareness which I am. And I looked back at it in the AWA meditation and found peace and joy there.
Okay. So far, so good.
But then there was this visible, tangible 3d world going on which was not at all formless awareness.
What was the connection between that and the pure potential no-thing-ness of awareness? How come there is so much stuff which can be seen and touched in this emptiness of I AM? According to the teachings, this is all one. Yet it seems so different. I couldn’t wrap my head around this. So, I kept begging to get this secret answered.
I want to share three stories that provided answers to these questions.
Manifesting french fries
One morning in November 2013, I was with colleagues in the office and we were chatting about diet. Everyone contributed their favorite tips and strategies.
I said, “Usually, I try to avoid carbohydrates for dinner and sometimes even for lunch. But here at work, when there are french fries in the cafeteria at lunch, then I cannot resist. I must have them. Because I love french fries.” And I repeated it three times to emphasize how much I love french fries – with plenty of mayonnaise.
About two hours afterwards, I went to the cafeteria for lunch and was delighted to see that burger and french fries were on the menu on that day. How yummy!
So, I put a burger and one serving of fries on my tray.
Then I left the tray on the side and took just the plate with the burger to another table where I could get onions and other toppings.
But when I came back to my tray, there was a surprise.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw a second small bowl of french fries on my tray. How come? Who put it there? I made sure that this was in fact my tray and not anyone else’s.
Then I burst into laughter. Hadn’t I just told my colleagues several times how much I just loved french fries. No wonder, I got a second bowl of them on my tray.
That story would fit rather into the category of manifestation and not in the category of lessons and tests. But I place it here under “lessons”, because that was the day when it really sank in that things are created by what I think and say and how I feel about it. Thinking about french fries, talking about them, feeling the emotion of ‘how yummy, I just love’em‘ – all of that together was what brought surprise gift of the second bowl of fries to me.
About the creation of challenges
I have a friend who is a helper type personality. She is loving and generous and helps many people. And boy does she have many people to help!
When I listened to her stories, I always wondered how come that she attracts so many people into her life who need help in so many different areas. In my own life, this would never happen. Why did it happen for her?
I figured that the answer was probably that she defined herself as someone who helps others. And that she therefore needed this constant interaction of being helpful for others for keeping her sense of self alive. And so, this need for others whom she can help literally created and called people and circumstances into her experience.
Now, it can be easier to see these dynamics at work in others. But what about myself?
The insight hit me like a ton of bricks.
I had my own set of attributes of my self-definition. For me, they were not about helping others, but about being smart.
And what did I constantly need to reinforce that sense of self?
Intellectual challenges which I had to overcome and solve in order to feel good.
These challenges would show up in many ways. It could be that my kids got sick and then I had to figure out which homeopathic remedy would fit best (- which was often like solving a difficult puzzle). Or it could be a challenging mathematical proof to solve (during my PhD thesis) or bug in the computer coding at work which was tricky to fix. And at the end, even though I would always find myself exhausted and pissed that life is such a struggle, I would always have my sense of self reinforced as someone who is smart and able to solve these challenges.
That insight pulled the rug out from under me.
What if the all the troubles in my outside world were not just there because the outside world existed independently of me? What if I had attracted them to me as a sort of entertainment? So that I could reinforce my sense of being a smart and capable person?
Would I still need all these challenges in my life to feel that I am a valuable person?
And I decided to drop that need for self-definition. And in turn the challenges started to fall away.
So, the above stories were two answers about how the visible and tangible 3d realm was created by the invisible no-thingness, the pure potential in us – by focus and intention, be it conscious or unconscious.
Idea precedes 3d form
But still, I could not understand how exactly are 3d forms made from consciousness? There just seemed to be no connection. So, I kept begging and begging.
Then in August 2014, I had the following dream:
It was dark and I was with many people standing marketplace. We were all watching a blacksmith with hammer an anvil who was in the middle of the square. On the anvil, there was a transparent light-blue form. To my surprise, I realized that it looked like an overly long and thin, erect penis. The transparent light-blue color of it was the only color in the dream scene. Everything else was dark and black.
Suddenly, a voice said, “This is designed to be cuddled.”
Then I woke up.
“I get that this was meant to show me how an idea (represented by the transparent light-blue shade) precedes the 3d physical form,” I said to my guides. “But why did you choose a penis to illustrate this?”
The inner voice replied, “To grab your attention.”
LOL. Sometimes, my guides have a weird sense of humor.
This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).