Troubles and tests

End of September 2012, during the time where I was decluttering the house like crazy, I sat down and thought about what I wanted our house to be like. I wrote down words like ‘space, light, color, yellow, white, beauty, simplicity, clean, relaxed, easy, natural, joy, peace, freedom, carefree’.

It was an attempt to create some sense of serenity by rearranging things ‘out there’. My inner state at that time was very active regarding the decluttering and decoration of the house. However, regarding communicating and sharing my insights about the spiritual journey, I felt nothing but tremendous apathy. So, it wasn’t the case  that I was missing inner peace, but I wasn’t on track regarding what my soul wanted either.

This little writing exercise seemed like a natural thing to do – focus and envision what I want and then write it down.

However, I wasn’t prepared for what would follow.

Immediately, my family members started to act up. My husband yelled at my older son for no reason at all. My younger son misbehaved at school and we had to talk to his teacher. My older son demanded that I help him with his homework, but then he wouldn’t let me into his room. And he kept slamming the doors just so he could cause a lot of noise and wake me up from my nap. It was like a conspiracy of the entire family to make life like hell. And in addition, my youngest son got pneumonia again which added to my stress level.

Eventually, the situation resolved after a couple of days and I found back to inner peace and gratitude. But what was going on? It seemed as if my wish for a peaceful environment and my visualization exercise provoked exactly the opposite of peace. I wondered why. And I still haven’t come up with a definite conclusion. Maybe it was that the wish for peace brought everything to the surface which was not in alignment? Or more likely, maybe I was shown that peace has to come from my inside of me rather than wishing for a peaceful environment?

I included this example here because it shows that things do not always go according to what we have been taught in books. It also shows that I found it not always easy to interpret what happened on my spiritual journey. Often, there was a lot of questioning and doubting what a certain combination of inner state and outer events meant.


This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).



15 thoughts on “Troubles and tests

  1. An ancient teaching tells us that as we m9ve to claim our next level of personal power, all the demons from our old one will rise to claim us.

    Which is another way of saying that the old patterns will rise into illumination to be cleared.

    Exactly the process that our planet and our whole species are going through right now…

    I’m putting your p9st and my comment on my primary site, Timeless Wisdoms, as a “Call and Response”

    Have a great day!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing that teaching about the demons coming up. Yeah, maybe it was something like that.

      Also thanks for sharing this on your site.

      Could you please include a link to my original post on your site (before or after the copied text) so that readers can know where it came from? Thanks.


      1. Oh, okay, I’m realizing this is not one of my regular reblogs to the Poetic Justice site, but a “Call and Response” on Timeless Classics.

        We all do what we can, and don’t do what we can’t. I can compose a flawless sonnet in fifteen minutes or less on any subject requested, I can post well and very a dozen times a day in two sites — most people can’t do those things. Most people could put a link to your post in their call and response offering, but I cannot. I do apologize.

        If it makes a big difference to you, let me know and I’ll unsubscribe from you to make sure that I don’t put your work anywhere, or in any way, you don’t want it to be.

        With respect,

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m sorry. I am neither familiar with the “Call and Response” feature nor did it occur to me that adding a link to this can be difficult.

          And since I had never heard of Call and Response before, I assumed that you have copied the text with copy and paste.

          I was just aware that there are reblog buttons on WordPress. What is this Call and Response thing? Is it a special button? I have never seen it before.

          I would appreciate if you can manage to insert the following line after my text:


          Even if this is no link, then users can copy and paste the link into their browser when they want to access the original post.

          If this does not work because copy and paste does not work or because a “Call and Response” text cannot be edited at all, for example, then just leave it as is and don’t worry.

          I appreciate your presence on my blog. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.


  2. Karin, I am afraid you and Ana are right. This may explain why I am dealing with so many outer events that illustrate darkness rather than light and bring up so many old negative judgments and beliefs. I would design this process differently if ” I ” was in charge. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, maybe this is how the process is designed. I am still not sure. Was it to show me that I need to be in inner peace first? Or was it that the wish for inner peace brought up darkness?

      I want to share a story that just comes to my mind and that relates to this somwhat.
      I think it was from a recording of a workshop about guides from Lisa W.

      A woman said that she asked her guides , “Am I safe? Show me that I am safe.”

      And the surprising way that they showed her that she was safe was that she got into a car accident. And even though the car was badly damaged, she suffered no injury.

      She shared this story and then said, “Always be careful what you wish for.”

      I also wonder what it is about in your life. Maybe Ana’s explanation is the reason.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It most certainly tests us dear lady, trying to find a clear path in an emotional jungle can test the best of us. But thankfully there are many guides around us to occasionally point out our path 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve also wrestled with understanding things… but gradually I realised divine living is totally opposite from our human living and eventually when we’re ready we receive that haha moment❤️ much love to you karin, love your stories.

    Liked by 1 person

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