Admonishing dreams

A couple of weeks after I had written the text about my spiritual journey, in January 2013, I did not want to post it anymore in the online forum for which I had intended it. I just felt exhausted after the usual Christmas busyness and there was no motivation in me to share the text I had written so elaborately before. It would sit in my drawer forever. And I was fine with that. The writing would have been merely for myself for therapeutical reasons. To become clear about everything that had happened, to make sense of the course of my life and to find peace with it.

I could not really pinpoint what exactly my fears were of posting it. On one hand, I felt the urge to share what I had experienced. But more during one-on-one lunches with open-minded friends and not publicly on the internet.

Could I really be sure about all the signs and synchronicities? Or was it maybe just coincidence? I would have liked to gather a few more years of experience to have a more reliable database so to speak so that I could really be sure that I did not make these things up. I came from a scientific background and my worldview had shifted so much that I had a hard time really being sure that there was more to life than the visible world of form and what can be scientifically observed. I was afraid of criticism from the materialists. If anyone of them attacked me, I wondered, would I be able to defend my point of view?

On the other hand, I thought about the potential reaction of other spiritual seekers on the path. Had I come already far enough to feel entitled to share? Did I have something important to say at all? Wasn’t there this proverb from the Tao that said ‘Those who know don’t talk. Those who talk don’t know.’ ?

So far, I had almost only read stories of people who had become enlightened and then would share their stories, after a proper integration period of about 10 years, that is. But I wasn’t enlightened. So how could I claim the right to tell my story? Wouldn’t it be presumptuous to share this material prematurely? What if the desire to share was just a clever trick of my ego to gain attention?

But it wasn’t only fears which kept me back. The sense of urgency and mission that I had felt before when I thought that I wanted to shout from the rooftops that God is everywhere suddenly had vanished.

And on and on I doubted and pondered. Until I felt nothing but apathy and a general sense of ‘why bother?’.

But my guidance would not let me off the hook and bluntly gave me their opinion in the following dreams.

Dream: ballet rehearsal

On January 18, 2013, I dreamed that I was going to a trial lesson of a ballet rehearsal. I had already bought and put on a beautiful ballet dress. But I did not participate. I just sat at the side on a bench watching how gracefully the other dancers moved their bodies.

The message was clear to me. Why did I just sit on the sidelines watching even though I had already dressed up? Why wasn’t I going to participate in the online forum with my text?

Dream: procrastinating

On February 2nd, 2013, I dreamed that I went into a house. Carrying a bunch of paperwork, I told some friends that they should wait outside. I just needed to get a few things done quickly and then I would be back soon.

But once inside the house, I got sidetracked. There were 5 calls on the answering machine, but I did not listen to them. Instead, I found chocolate in various forms and indulged in it. Hot chocolate and chocolate ice cream. I drank so much hot chocolate that I felt nauseous.  But while I indulged in the sweets, my friends outside were waiting for me.

The interpretation was clear again. This was mirroring my situation regarding the sharing of my text. I did not listen to the calls, indulged in sweet distractions, and kept my friends waiting.

I understood the stern reproach. But that did not change my sense of apathy.

Dream: choir, poorly prepared

On February 19, 2013, I dreamed that I participated in a rehearsal session of a choir for a festive event. We rehearsed and tried to sing the songs, but it didn’t work. We could not find the sheet music. The music which was playing in my mind was an instrumental version of Hark! The herald angels sing.

On awakening, I understood that it described my situation. I should sing for a big awakening event in the world, but I was poorly prepared for it and wouldn’t succeed if I kept procrastinating like this.

Nothing matters?

The next day, I was deep in apathy again and thought, ‘Nothing matters. Why bother?’ But the inner voice replied, ‘Yes, no-thing is really mattering, meaning that the void is appearing as matter. Isn’t that great?

Even though I was partly in awe of this wisdom, I also felt kind of pissed at this smartass inner voice that wanted to pull me out of my apathy.

The three dreams described above should have been enough of a reproach and a call to action. But I just registered their message and thought that I still did not feel the inner urge to post my text to the forum.

And therefore I would not do it.

I felt justified in my non-action and fine with that because earlier in my life  I was used to doing only things which I felt the inner urge to do (- at least, for stuff which I did in my leisure time). For example, when I felt the inner urge to do a lot of competitive ballroom dancing or to learn a lot about homeopathy, then I did that. I took a deep dive and followed my passions. Of course.

But here, posting something without feeling the inner urge to do so – why should I do it? Having some inner or outer voice tell me what to do did not replace the felt intrinsic urge or passion.

But my guidance would not let me off the hook that easily.


This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).


13 thoughts on “Admonishing dreams

  1. I have hesitated many times in my actions, thinking I didn’t have the courage to stand in my truth. And many the time I tried to do something and was blocked with things going wrong etc. So I just let it go and I found that when I took ‘me’ out of the question it all flowed much easier. Mind you, spirit has a way of teaching that most certainly does not give me a ‘heads up’ simply because I would not learn if I was pre-advised 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏼 🦋

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting and sharing your experiences.
      I find it interesting to see how the journey unfolds for others and what differences and similiarities there are.
      I agree that taking the ‘me’ out of the question can make things easier.


  2. Karin, thank you. I think there is a lot in here that requires careful consideration. I can relate to so much of what you write, and only wish I could have read this when disorientated, exhausted, searching and trying to make sense of what was going on (and burning out in the process).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this heartwarming comment. I am glad to hear that you can relate to much of what I wrote.

      On my journey, I have also benefitted a lot from other people’s personal stories. For me, that was more efficient teaching than reading dry, theoretical, abstract discussions. And I am glad that I can pay that forward now.

      It is indeed a lonely path and can be very confusing to figure out what the heck is going on. I am sorry to hear that it was so hard for you. But I am glad that you are now also on WordPress sharing your own stories and insights and helping to shed some light on the path of the spiritual seeker.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I too Karin have often not shared information given, often for fear of ridicule by the general public… And yet during my Spiritual Mediumship days of speaking at Spiritualist centres and giving demos. I would often come across people standing outside such places whose obvious fear and lack of knowledge as to what connecting to spirit was all about was clear in their uneducated ideas we were devil worshipping, as they hung their banners and threw eggs. 😲
    So when you share something ON Line… it opens us up to more possibilities to ridicule…
    But going through those real life experiences myself, I think helped prime me to more easily share my experiences on line…
    Our Dreamstate is talking to us all the time, but we often ignore or dismiss them… But over the years Dreams have been an important part of my world… As messages come in all shapes and forms… We have just forgotten mostly how to listen or interpret them..
    Many thanks for sharing your journey… I have enjoyed reading <3

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your kind comment, Sue, and for sharing your experiences. OMG, they threw eggs at you! It is incredible what you had to endure.
      I also remember the story at your blog where you were admonished by another blogger about using the phrase ‘puzzle of the soul’ because she thought she was the only one in the world who owned this phrase. It is just incredible what happens sometimes.
      But I am glad to hear that you got a thicker skin from all of that and that you continue to bless the WordPress world with your posts.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That was a long time ago now…. An experience never to be forgotten though… Just a group of born again Christians I think they were who stood outside the spiritualist church where I was doing a service that night…. Luckily the egg missed me lol… but it was unnerving …
        Big smiles… Yes the Puzzle piece lady…. I just had to call her out on that one as she accused me a pinching her idea…. I pointed out the whole WWW is full of jigsaws and people referring to the puzzle… and fitting the pieces… Sad when people think the universe only gifts them…. I am sure the lady was well meant…. but when she accused me of that I couldn’t stay silent… 🙄😊🙏

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I relate so well with being pushed rather than following inner passion… especially when it’s to do with confronting the public with our life! I’ve always had a big hang up about being judged but had no choice when I followed a big push to publish my book rather than following my passion, of which I felt deeply whilst writing it! I suppose this was my divinity (your guides) pushing me. Over the last few years I’ve learnt to integrate them which has deepened my passion and guides me easily in each moment. Your whole journey you’ve published here is looking so complete. You can be very proud of yourself for sharing. Especially as it’s so difficult to explain feelings etc. Many people are waking up now that will appreciate your journey and urge them on❤️ sending you much love x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment, Barbara.
      And thanks for sharing more about your own experiences. I appreciate that.

      Yes, the fear of judgment that can hold us back – I guess many people who are on this path have this fear of being judged and then they may get stuck for a while.

      Once, I met a healer who resisted for ten years to come out of hiding with her gifts and offer healing services. She lived in a small town in rural Bavaria in Germany and was afraid of the judgment by her fellow citizens many of whom were devout Catholics.
      When she told me her story, I was very moved. It was like another message of, ‘See? Everyone encounters this. Everyone has to muster the courage to go through their fears and come out of hiding. You are not alone in this.’

      Thanks for sharing your process. I wasn’t aware that publishing the book was something you did because you were pushed by your guidance. It is great that you managed to go through the process of publishing your material in a book. I might also convert this material into a book, a Kindle ebook at least should be doable, I think. But for now, publishing it on my blog page will suffice.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It was so much of a push that my human body and mind went through great stress… looking back it was shredding old and inviting the new. I did write about it back then but because it involved close family I’m always honourable to their privacy. But mark my words I entered a period of time that changed me forever. I feel passionate about writing a novel relaying this part of my journey in a new and mysterious way❤️
        Copying your story into a pdf/ebook is quite simple with modern technology… and I know it’s not about the money but you are so valuable🥰🙏

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you for sharing that about the stress and for your compliment.

          I understand that we have to be careful what we share when it involves other people. Packaging the experiences in a novel is a way to speak about it without being too personal. I get that. It has been recommended to me, too, when I thought that I could never, ever share publicly what I had experienced.

          Good to hear you are planning to write another book! I recall that you said you were planning to use the Corona downtime for writing. I wish you much success.

          Liked by 1 person

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