From apathy back to life again

From January through March 2014, I had fallen into the pit of the void, a very calm and peaceful place, but also very low energy, full of apathy and listlessness. But life would not let me rest there for too long and gave me some tasks in order to drag me out of that state.

The sick budgie

In March 2014, one of our budgies became sick. He started to throw up food frequently and looked very tired and exhausted.

On March 13, 2014, I asked before sleep how I could help my budgie. Maybe there was a homeopathic remedy I could give him. But which one? Could I please get an answer?

But instead of an answer from an inner voice or a dream, I woke up with pain on the back of my nose. Very unusual. It felt as if someone had just given me a blow on the nose.

What did that mean? Was it an answer to my question about my sick budgie?

I thought that it meant that my guides gave me a blow on the nose in order to get me out of my lethargy. Maybe the budgie became sick so that I had someone to take care of? Then I would get a sense of urgency and purpose again and get out of my apathy. When I remembered this event in my life later, the analogy to the moving story of the famous book A Street Cat Named Bob came to my mind where the drug addict had been saved because life led him to take care of a sick cat. What a clever strategy! It worked. My energy level went up a bit.

I also pondered how the bird was mirroring me with his sickness and tiredness.

On one hand, I felt this apathy. But on the other hand, there was also a sense of restlessness and urgency which welled up at times. As if I had an important task to do. I just wasn’t aware what that task was.

I tried two homeopathic liver remedies for my sick pet and took him to the vet who also prescribed several liver remedies. And it helped. The budgie recovered.

Invite friends!

My energy level was a bit better after the event with the sick budgie, but the unseen forces behind the veil (my guides, Source, Holy Spirit, whoever that was) weren’t done with me yet.

On March 29, 2014, the inner voice of guidance came through very clearly in the phase between sleeping and waking after a nap. I was told to invite a bunch of families with kids for brunch. They were old friends with whom I had connected during my days of BalFolk dancing and we had not met for a whole while since everyone was busy with work and taking care of little children. I was even given the specific date for the invitation. May 1st, which is a holiday here in Germany.

But I resisted and discussed this with my guides. Why on earth would I have to do this? There was no special occasion. No birthday party or something like that. And I still had low energy and felt listless. With horror, I thought about how I could possibly muster enough energy to clean the entire house and set up the living room so that about 20 people could be seated. And then all the little children in our house… Imagine the chaos! Merely thinking about that evoked a feeling of overwhelm and panic.

But the inner voice was very insistent.

Sigh!

Can you imagine how strange this felt? There was this inner voice from discarnate entities or whatever, sternly telling me to do something which I did not want to do. If I had told this to anyone who was not into spirituality and guides and so on, he would have shrugged his shoulders and said, “Well, if you don’t feel like doing it, then just don’t do it. What is the problem?”

But from my experiences in the past, I suspected that I would run into trouble if I resisted again.

Therefore, I asked for more time to think about it – and also for signs of confirmation, please.

And the universe would respond to my request.

The next day, I took my Sunday walk around the fields and through a small forest. During the walk, I overheard the following piece of a conversation, “Guys, I really appreciate that we meet again.”

Then I overheard another conversation in a different group, “When one doesn’t initiate things, it will just peter out. If you leave it just to itself, then nobody is going to participate.”

Afterwards, I ‘coincidentally’ met an old friend whom I had not seen for a while. We walked a while together, talked a lot, and then she recommended the book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware to me. I had not told her about the request from my inner voice. She just mentioned this book out of the blue.

When I looked up at home what the regrets of the dying were in the book, one of them was ‘I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.’

I was moved. Okay. These were three signs. And all of them had been given on the same day. Obviously, the inner voice was not just a product of my imagination. And my guides were serious about their request.

After more pep-talk by my guide, the inner voice indicated that it was not only important to keep in touch with old friends. It was also important to come out of hiding and share what I had experienced. And not only to a single person during the occasional lunch, but also in a group. I was told sternly to not put up such a fuss.

Sigh. Okay…

I gave in and later invited the families for brunch on May 1st.

The brunch took place as planned. Even though it was quite stressful for me beforehand, the event itself was very harmonic and everone enjoyed it. We had a yummy brunch and danced some BalFolk dances together. And I even shared some of my stories about burned out light bulbs and manifested wishes with one of the friends who was on a spiritual path.

***

In the metaphor of the hike, I had rested on the riverside again. Only this time, I was not running in procrastination circles. It was rather like drowning in a puddle or a little pond at the riverside. And having to become active (by taking the sick pet to the vet and inviting friends over) was the loving push I received which nudged me to go back into the flow of the river again.

This also underlines the message that it was important to keep swimming actively while I was in the river. Going limp and assuming that the river would carry me was not an option.

***

This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (if you want to start to read this from the beginning, I suggest that you go to the table of contents).

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