If you want to make God laugh

As I lay half-awake in bed around 3 am on May 14, the inner voice started to talk again. At first, with compliments and congratulations regarding the recent workshop on divine guidance.

But then it said,  “I want you to hold an internationally available online seminar”.  And afterwards, I had the song “Live is Life” in my head. I guess that meant it had  to be a ‘live’ webinar.

§@$§&%.!!!

*Sigh*.

Ok, it is not that  bad. After all, I am not required to travel, book venues, invent a logo, print flyers, and all that stuff. It will just be webinar. Just talking into a lifeless camera hole for about an hour. I should be able to accomplish that.

Originally, I had planned to do the workshop on divine guidance end of March 2017 and then to retreat into cave time again in order to rest and  heal more. Maybe my rheumatoid arthritis would improve after a past-life regression hypnosis? I wanted to focus on self-care and healing.

I did not dare to listen to the inner voice because I was afraid it would tell me bluntly what I had to do next. And I am fed up with constantly getting new tasks.

But only about a week after I had posted the script of the workshop, I already got this new assignment.

Afterwards, my usual course of events started, similar to what I have described in ‘the universe’s bag of tricks’.

Resistance, followed by dreams that tried to persuade me with metaphors that  I ‘needed to nurture my baby’. That it would be ‘a piece of cake’. That it is a ‘jump of faith’ which is required and which will lead me to happiness. An inner voice which told me that I must speak.

More resistance, followed by dreams that threatened me (-in one of them a person dressed in a skeleton costume walked behind me, as if to tell me that death is going after me if I resist).

Still more resistance, and I got  clogged drains everywhere and other mirroring patterns (for example,  no network connections or people not answering my comments and emails).

More resistance, and now I feel a tightness in my throat chakra again.  Just like back in 2013, when I resisted sharing  anything of my experiences at all.

Alright. So, I will have to do this webinar if I don’t want to feel choked again.

I wonder where this will lead to. I can see the puzzle pieces falling into place. This blog, the youtube video, the divine guidance workshop. It is all about coming out of hiding and sharing. Expressing myself, becoming visible, and speaking up. And I find it stressful each time I get a new assignment.

I often wonder why I am chosen to speak about guidance even though I am so resistant. Or maybe it is exactly because  I am so resistant?  Maybe I will teach what I need to learn? Not only listening to guidance, but also how the process of surrendering happens in slow motion?

Whenever I asked some channels about these patterns, the answer was always, “Follow your joy.”  Yeah, good idea! My joy is journaling and taking walks in nature. But anything that has to do with workshops is stress. Therefore, it feels as if I have to choose between my joy and my guidance. That is probably not how it is supposed to be.

Rather, I am often thinking of the story of Jonah. He was guided to go and preach in Nineveh but resisted. He got on a turbulent cruise trip  instead and then got a ride in the stomach of a whale which transported him to his destination. Eventually, he had to give up his resistance.

Sure, Jonah, just ‘follow your joy’, and all will be well? Nope. It does not always work that way.

Also, this bible passage speaks to me
“That servant who knows his master’s will but does not get ready or follow his instructions will be beaten with many blows.” (Luke 12:47) That means once I know what I am expected to do, I better follow it. If I don’t, I will get into trouble. That has been exactly my experience over and over again since 2013.

So, the phase I am going through is still about coming into alignment with the will of my higher self and it feels like I am being kept on an ever shortening leash.

I had other plans after the workshop in March. But if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

 

Divine Guidance Workshop

Divine_Guidance_Workshop_Cover

 

The script of the workshop on divine guidance is available on my products page (as free pdf): https://karinfinger.wordpress.com/products/

With many stories, I explain the different input channels of guidance (like dreams, inner voice, visions, songs in the head, signs, synchronicities, patterns of event, etc.) and how we can learn to interpret them. I also discuss some general topics like what is helpful for getting guidance, what can block it, and that guidance is all about getting into alignment with the higher self.

***

After much resistance and many pushes by the universe, I gave in and held a pilot version of the divine guidance workshop.

It was the ‘lite version’ of it. Just half a day with only six friends in my living room. No hassle with having to book a venue, no marketing, no traveling.

This event was not only heavily enforced by nudges and pushes of the universe, but many details of it were also guided.

A dream about the target group
When I wrote the script for the workshop, I was not sure who should be the target group. Materialists? Lightworkers? Buddhists?  Christians?

When I asked, I got the answer “We will send you a dream”. And then I dreamt about one of the participants and interpreted that as the prototype of a member of the target group.

Dreams about the chapter on the basics
I wondered whether I should include a chapter on the basics of the spiritual journey in order to let people know that guidance will shift their identity and will also result in a loss of free will.

But wouldn’t this information  deter many readers who might just want to know how to find the right romantic partner or how to make more money?

Then I had two dreams which both indicated that it would be silly  to cut away the foundation and therefore decided to include the chapter on basics.

Advice on the date
In November 2016, I was finally ready to stop procrastinating and set a deadline – just so that I could get that task off my chest.

But when should the pilot version of the workshop take place?

I asked the inner voice and heard “End of March 2017”.

So, I set the date to March 31, and everyone of the participants had time on that day.

Help with single chapters
When I wrote the chapter on synchronicity, I needed a good example as a story to include.

But I was at a loss. I did not want to just quote the old story of Carl Jung and the scarab beetle, but rather tell my own story.

As if to answer this request,  a bird flew against my window. It was a special bird – a canary.  And it had a special connection to our family on that day. You can read more about it in the chapter on synchronicities in the script.

An email which should not be sent
After a draft of the script was ready, I sent it to a friend. He wrote  a lot of detailed feedback into the comments.

When I attempted to answer all his remarks in a lengthy document, my computer program just did not save my answers. About two hours of work were lost.

I took that as a sign that this answer was not to be sent – for whatever reason.

Advice on whom to invite
Three weeks before the workshop, the inner voice told me,  “Can we talk? I don’t want you to ruin this. You need to invite F., too.”

I said, “Yes, I can do that, but F. usually works on Fridays and he will probably not be able join.”

The inner voice replied, “He will come. I promise.”

So, I invited F., and indeed, he participated. And it turned out that his presence was a blessing in several ways.

 

During the last two years, I have learned over and over again in how many ways an endeavor is guided if my higher self wants to make it happen by all means. At first, there are gentle nudges and not so gentle pushes. After the realization that resistance is futile, there is surrender. And in the end the whole universe conspires to support it.

***

I am very grateful to the six participants of the pilot version of the workshop who took the time to test this and who gave me valuable feedback and to all fellow bloggers here on WordPress who have shared how guidance shows up for them, who have encouraged me, and who have offered help in many different ways. Thanks a lot to all of you!

The universe’s bag of tricks

I want you to hold a workshop,’ said my spirit guide, while I was taking a walk alone outside in Jan 2015.  ‘A what? No way!’ was my initial response. ‘You know how much I hate having to organize my children’s birthday parties. I sure don’t feel like organizing a workshop.’

In front of me, a man was walking with a large dog on a leash. And right after my thought of resistance, he wrapped the dog leash around the belly of the dog in such a way that it became really short. This seemed to imply, ‘Remember, you are on a short leash!’   Afterwards, the dog was supposed to hop into the trunk of a car. But it refused. The man shouted, “Are you crazy?” and just lifted the dog into the trunk. That seemed to mean this would happen to me, too, when I resisted. Sigh. I would probably  have to yield at some point.

I had written a post about the many forms of divine guidance  and  was told by my inner voice that I should somehow turn this into a workshop format.

But doubts crept in. I would have to offer exercises. But how do I practice dream recall techniques in a workshop setting (when people are hopefully not sleeping)? More doubts came, about having to book a venue, marketing, travel, money issues. All of this resulted in me downright refusing to even think about it.

But the universe has its bag of tricks to convince resistant children.

The dishwasher mirrors my stubbornness
I seem to have a special affiliation with electric gadgets. They often stop working when I am not aligned with inner peace. And this time it was our dishwasher’s turn. The start button refused to work, or worked only after pushing it about 20 times. Not funny! Apparently, this was mirroring my stubbornness. Ok, breathe deep and say ‘Thy will be done’. And then the button started to behave well again. I am always amazed when forgiveness works.

Truck advice cheers me on
In summer 2015, I had agreed to write an outline at least, in order to demonstrate my willingness. I came across a truck with the inscription  www.nicht-bummeln.de which means ‘don’t dawdle’. I took this as advice to get started and wrote an early draft version.

The unsolved error ticket mirrors me
In December 2015, my efforts had somewhat stopped due to overwhelm in other areas of my life. I was extremely exhausted with no energy or creativity left over. There were no further pushes by the universe regarding the workshop. Maybe I didn’t need to do it after all? I turned within and asked, ‘Do you still want me to take care of this?’ This time, I did not get an inner voice or dream as an answer. But the universe used another very creative method to let me know.

In October, I had created an error ticket about a technical issue. And in December, about two months later, the ticket came back to me, not with a solution but with the innocent question , “Is this issue still not fixed and do you still want me to take care of it?”

My initial knee-jerk thought was, ‘Yes, of course, you [Bleep], unless you have invented any self-fixing bugs, you better take care of it!’

But then I calmed down and remembered that the universe often uses mirrors to reflect back to me what is buried in my consciousness. I admired the universe’s sense of creativity and felt humbled (and was able to answer more calmly).

WordPress posts about letting go of doubt
Even though I got plenty of messages, I still doubted them. ‘Is a pattern really no coincidence? Do I really hear my inner voice correctly? You want me to hold a workshop? Really? Me?’
On Dec 17, 2015, I got three messages to let go of doubt. Two of these came via blog posts, one was delivered over lunch by a friend. Three messages on one day about the same topic. That was no coincidence and made a pattern. The universe was telling me to let go of doubt.

Dream advice about handling fear
I turned within and asked how to deal with the fear and then got a dream about handling fear that suggested to take it step by step and to trust.
Additionally, my iPad sent me some push notifications of an app with the text, ‘I should be telling you that it is better to be safe than sorry, but sometimes safe can be boring.’
Another push notification said ‘Guts over Fear  is today’s new song’.

Inner voice begs me to visualize
My spirit guide begged me, ‘Allow the vision of yourself being on a stage speaking to people.’ Since I had downright refused the idea to do a workshop, I would never indulge in daydreams of how I would talk to a group of people about this topic. But obviously, daydreams are important. Thoughts coupled with emotion manifest reality. Therefore, I needed to allow some visualization exercise.

Magpies are telling me to express myself
I was staring out of my kitchen window when a magpie appeared on the street. And then another one and yet another one. Until there were six or seven of them. Magpies keep showing up often for me since several years now. When I was active in a forum, a new participant showed up with  the nickname ‘magpie’. And one day, I stood behind a guy with a sweatshirt with the inscription ‘magpie’ on it. Though there are several meanings connected with these birds, I interpret their frequent occurrence as a message to express myself and to consider the importance of voice (i.e., speak rather than write).

Cosmic push notifications
On Feb 16, 2016, my iPad suddenly started to switch from standby to active mode when sending me push notifications of apps. Apparently, the ‘do not disturb mode’ setting had been disabled all of a sudden. Hmm, what did this mean?
On the same day, I got a post and an email both with the word PUSH in it. That was a pattern again.

Ok, got it. Apparently, the grace period was over, and I got a push to get moving now.

Dream series about what is holding me back
In February 2016, I then had a dream where I was dancing Latin rumba with my spirit guide. I was dancing gracefully, but my legs could not move freely since they got stuck in the long Latin dress which was tied together on the floor. In my dreams, dancing is a symbol of communicating about the spiritual path. That meant that I could not communicate to the fullest extent since something was holding me back.
But what was holding me back? I asked spirit to show me. As an answer, I got  a mini-series of up to three dreams per night on about five consecutive days which addressed all the reasons which were holding me back. It was so much that my guide asked me in between, ‘Are you sure you can take more?‘ The most important point was lack of commitment and that this would make me prone to give up at the slightest obstacle. Other points were fear based decisions, desire for reward, doing too much for my children, dwelling on the past, laziness and sloppiness, and being concerned with what others think about me.

Sickness as a consequence of resistance
I have pain in one foot. Homeopathic treatment, which is my preferred method, just shifts symptoms around at the moment but does not heal. I remembered that the refusal to express myself in writing resulted in breathing issues in the throat. The throat chakra reacts if there is lack of expression. Likewise, I think that the issues in the foot might point to the root chakra (connected to trust and personal power), and I get a hunch that the pain will lessen once I commit fully to this workshop project.

Feeling drained versus energized
So many messages and the threat of illness as a consequence made me willing to comply. I got that I have to work on the workshop project.

But then another blog post came up that said that it is not enough to do things just because we feel pushed to do them. No! We need to do them because we enjoy them and because it makes our heart sing.

Yeah, I know that. Except that my situation feels like standing on top of a high building, staring down into water and being told to jump. ‘Just jump! And don’t jump just because we threaten you! Jump because you really enjoy it!‘  Well, nice suggestion. But, frankly, that did not feel feasible for me.

So, I turned within and asked, ‘Show me. How I can become more intrinsically motivated?’

And the answer came. These past weeks in March 2016,  I felt quite exhausted and drained as if no energy was left for mundane tasks of preparing meals or other household chores. I felt only energized when I worked on stuff which was related to the workshop about divine guidance. I took me a while to figure out that this stark contrast between feeling drained vs energized was probably the answer to my question.

Thanks for the information, dear universe, but the feeling of exhaustion sucks.
Note to self: Always be careful what you ask for!

***

The workshop has grown into a pile of about 40 slides now, but it is still in a draft version.

Shouldn’t I feel super ashamed now that I am so stubborn and resistant? No, there is another way to look at this. Rather than to burden myself with additional guilt,  I can choose to think about it as an interesting research project. Resist and then observe with what tricks my guides come up. Can I do my PhD in resistology and procrastination?

I often wonder whether it is difficult to be a guide. I sure would have given up already on someone as stubborn as me! I so appreciate their patience and perseverance and am always in awe about the creative and humorous communication methods of the universe.

 

 

Dream advice: speak your truth

Usually, I don’t make any New Year’s resolutions. But on January 1st, 2016, I had the following dream that showed me an important point for the coming year.

In the dream, I met a former colleague. He told me that he was a school teacher now.
“And when  I went to visit some of these kids at home, they showed me their toys. Some of them have toy guns, you know, awful stuff! An absolute no-no. I cannot understand how parents can allow this.” He raised his eyebrows and added with self-righteous demeanor, “Of course, I have written about this in their report cards and lowered their grades.”

I cringed. Our son had such a toy. Should I tell him?

No. Too dangerous. I was afraid of his judgment. So, I kept my mouth shut, wished him a nice day, and went away.

In the next scene, I was sitting in some kind of small  wagon on train tracks like they have in amusement parks and suddenly realized that there was a cheap bracelet on my left wrist, golden, with blue plastic flowers and red ladybugs. This was a bracelet I had when I was a young girl, maybe 6 years old. But how did this get onto my wrist? I knew that I had already thrown it away. Even more strange was the fact that it was wrapped in a transparent plastic foil as if it was new.

Then I woke up.  Strange dream. What did it mean?
With the help of inner guidance, I settled on the following message.

If you hold back because you are afraid of judgment, you will regress in development back into a child’s stage.

Speak your truth!

Paint the way ahead in bold colors

A dream:
I was at a painting workshop and looked at a beautiful oil painting of a sandy path with purple heather at the sides. There were radiant bright colors with stark contrast.

Then, I was asked to describe what the workshop was about.

Awed by the mixture of lime green, pink, olive green, and purple,  I said, ”Here, we can learn to paint the way ahead in bold colors.”

I had this dream in Oct 2014, just when I started to set up this blog. I share it now because it fits in with the many messages of this time about stepping forward, reinventing, and envisioning a better future.

Dream big.

Spirit guide rant about grief

The destination of the spiritual journey is remembering who we truly are (and then living from that). This is a shift in identity and necessarily entails the loss of the former self-image.

And that loss can be painful. So, there are emotions which have to be looked at, acknowledged, and then let go. They come in layers like in an onion.

Below my layer of anger about feeling exploited, there was a layer of sadness. Sadness about having to let go a huge part of my identity. And the universe nudged me via several posts here on WordPress and a movie (Inside Out) to take care of that layer of sadness again and to grieve.

So, I did grieve. Rather shortly, but very thoroughly. Noticed how the grief came in waves; and how I was about to drown in it.

But then two light bulbs burned out on two consecutive days. Oh no! Not that old problem again. They used to burn out when I was very angry. I thought I was done with that.

What is going on here? I thought I was encouraged to take care of the grief. Why do I get these consequences now?

So, I turned within and asked, “Can I have advice on what to do about the grief? Do you encourage me to grieve or not?”

Here is what I received from the inner voice (of spirit guide A.). It comes as a voiceless voice, like thoughts appearing in my mind which I did not think myself. Sometimes as sentences, sometimes as blocks of thought which I have to put into words. Even though this is not an audible voice, I perceive it as high in intensity, almost shouting at me, impatient to get his point across. I share this as an example of guidance received in an inner voice dialogue.

A: “You can hear me. Don’t pretend that you can’t!
So you want to grieve? Yes, you can do so. And you need to do so. Grief is more appropriate than anger now. You have acted on the anger. So let that go.

Now take care of the grief. Acknowledge it. Heal your wounds. But don’t drown in it! I see that you want to stay home, sit in a corner, hug yourself and cry. But if you take a decision like staying home when there is a party outside, cutting yourself off from friends, wallowing in self-pity, then you are making it real! You are cutting yourself off from Source. You are saying, “Nobody loves me, I am sooo sad that I am not loved, I am a victim, I am hopeless, it is totally justified that I feel like crap and stay at home and cry and will never ever talk to anyone again, especially not about my f*cked up spiritual journey. Because I am such a fraud. Because I believe that it is inappropriate to feel sadness if I am committed to inner peace.”

That is bullshit. BULLSH*T. Do I need to repeat it again? [BLEEP!]

Acknowledge the sadness, yes! But don’t give in to it. That means don’t let yourself be pulled into it. It is like a giant arm which comes out of a dark lake and grabs you and pulls you into the water. See the arm , but don’t grab the hand. Don’t drown. Because it is built on a lie! You are grieving the loss of your former self-image. But you have never been that! You are the consciousness that contains it  and contains everything else. You are the screen on which the scene is painted. Don’t identify yourself with that little person part on the screen. Let go of the attachment to that person.

If you give in to the grief too much, you are making it real. You are telling yourself that grief is justified because you have really lost something.

However, loss is not possible.

Remember past events when you have lost something. Hasn’t it been replaced with something better? Sometimes you need to make space for something new. It is like decluttering your closet. Make space to breathe. And then you can get new clothes.”

K: “Why is this so hard? Why do I have such a hard time to feel grief and yet not get sucked into it? Clearly, the light bulbs indicate that I have gone too far, don’t they?”

A: “Yes and no [smiles]. There is no wrong path, remember. There is no ‘too far’. You are just presented with the consequences of your thoughts. Always. Free of judgment. So, do you want to think these thoughts?

You must learn not to do what the feeling makes you want to do.

If the anger makes you want to kick someone else’s shin, you have learned not to give in to that urge, right?

Same here. If the sadness makes you want to cut yourself off from friends, then do not follow that urge. Acknowledge the sadness, yes. But do not get led into an action by it.

Watch from the witness place. Stay conscious.”

After that pep-talk, the current wave of grief lasted a few more days and then subsided. At least for the time being. Since this process comes in a spiralling movement which feels like back and forth, back and forth,  I am not sure whether this phase will return or not.

I wanted to make the point that inner peace is not about suppressing emotions, but about acknowledging them, feeling them,  and then letting them go. And inner guidance is always available to us.

Dream advice about handling fear

Often, my inner voice asks me to do things which make me cringe with fear. Starting a blog, doing a youtube video, and more which I don’t dare to think about. Recently, fear and overwhelm came up big time again about what changes in lifestyle would be requested from me in the long run. So, I turned within and asked, “Do you have some tips for me on how to handle this fear issue?”

The following night, I had a dream:

I was on a bike ride to the home of my parents and had to cross a bridge. But it became too steep. So, I decided to get off and walk my bike uphill.

On top of the bridge, I was struck by my fear of heights. No balustrade at the side –  eek! Sick with vertigo, I had to focus on just the next step and could not look too far ahead or down to the side.

After I had safely crossed the bridge, I wanted to go home to my parents. But it was too far for a bike ride and I needed to take the bus. After I had asked where the bus stop was, I wondered whether I would be allowed to take my bike inside the bus. At that moment, the bike folded itself so that it was no larger than a closed umbrella. Perfect!

All of a sudden, I was inside the bus taking me home. I wondered how I got in there without actually having entered through the door.

Then, I thought that I must pay the fare and searched my purse for money. But before I could pay, I woke up.

Interpretation:
On your journey Home,
when the road gets too steep, go slowly;
w
hen it is too high, just look to the very next step;
w
hen it is too long to go by yourself, ask for a ride.
And you don’t even need to pay.

 

Divine communication devices: trucks

The universe uses whatever is available to communicate with us.  Here are three stories about truck inscriptions.

  1. When I was doing a lot of forgiveness work and reading a lot of ACIM (which is a Jesus channeling), I saw a truck saying, ‘Christ. Die erste Adresse für Umzüge’, which means ‘Christ. The first address when you are moving house‘. Moving my belief system from one set of beliefs to another also required Christ.
  2. In summer 2015, I had promised to write a draft for a course about many forms of divine guidance. When the deadline was approaching, I saw a truck with the inscription ‘www.nicht-bummeln.de’  
    (back then, this led to http://www.utke-transporte.de).
    ‘Nicht bummeln’ translates into ‘don’t dawdle’. I took the admonishment personally and wrote a large part of the draft on that same day.
    It is interesting to note that I never got this sort of push regarding my day job or household chores. Source seems to care more about waking up than about anything else.
  3. ‘I am so sad, I am really longing for someone to comfort me,’ I thought.
    The next day, I saw a truck  with the inscription ‘Trost Transport’ , which translates into ‘Solace Transport’. How nice! I can have a truck load of solace;-)

Behind the scences, there is an awesome orchestrating intelligence at work. It uses whatever it can get for communicating with us. And it definitely has a sense of humor.

Eventually, these synchronicities lead to the insight that we are not who we thought we were. But that we are consciousness which contains all. And that whatever is going on within the body-mind is mirrored in the seemingly outside world.

Inner peace and intuition

I was stirring zucchini in a pan, when all of a sudden hot oil splattered onto my finger. Ouch! It was just a tiny spot of skin burned, but it hurt like hell.

‘Ok, breathe deep and remember all things tend to resolve when I keep my inner peace!’ I thought. I turned to the kitchen table, stared at the  pressed garlic which I had prepared before, and tried to calm down.

Then, I had a sudden idea. What if I put garlic on the burn? I had never done this before.

After I had distributed some of the paste on the finger, the pain lessened immediately. Amazing! (Please note: I left it on for about ten minutes only and did not cover it with bandage).

‘Has garlic been recommended as a treatment for skin burns by anyone yet?’ I wondered and searched the web. Though there were some recommendations for garlic paste against pimples, I could not find resources related to skin burns.

On the contrary, fresh garlic can actually cause serious skin burns. So, in my case, the immediate positive effect on the pain seems to have been a homeopathic one (‘like cures like’).

Inner peace can lead to intuition for unusual solutions.

Disclaimer: Don’t try this at home! Fresh garlic (especially if it is applied to the skin for a long time and covered with a bandage) can cause serious skin burns!

 

The riddle of acceptance

The spiritual seeker is told frequently that the path is about acceptance. But what actually is acceptance?

If we are in a difficult situation, does it mean we are supposed to accept it, shut up, and carry on?

No! That would be a misunderstanding.

If our feet have grown two sizes too big for our shoes, it would be silly to stay in too small shoes just because acceptance is more ‘spiritual’. We would get new shoes (if possible).

I am in a situation in which I feel exploited. And this  has become more and more unbearable over the last years. For a long time, I tried to adjust a parameter here and there, talked to people, and improved some processes. Isn’t it all about acceptance? Am I not supposed to be the good person and make things work?

But it still sucks.

Finally, during this summer,  my inner pressure reached well above fever pitch. In a showdown with the other involved party, I declared that I will exit this situation and hand the stuff over to someone else.

Boy was that freeing!

The wise inner voice commented,
“This decision has been looong overdue.”