After the stern warning with the feather in the throat had become manifest as breathing issues, I was given further instructions.
Dream: contact guides
On June 7, 2013, I had the following dream. I was sitting in amphitheater and behind me on the left side, there was my former chemistry teacher Mrs. Steinke who had already passed a couple of years ago. I liked her a lot when I was at school. Sometimes she visits me when I need encouragement, and I am always so happy to meet her in my dreams.
All the people in the amphitheater were given instructions that we should contact our guides and then we should begin to sing a tone in the same pitch. It was clear to me that my former chemistry teacher was the guide I should contact.
But even though I felt so happy to meet Mrs. Steinke again, I did not comply. Instead I took out my cell phone and thought, ‘They want us to contact our guides? Very well, here we go, I will call Mrs. Steinke from my phone.’ even though she sat right behind me. It was an attempt to cheekily play a round of hide-and-seek again.
I woke up, very happy about having met my former teacher, but with breathing trouble in my throat again. And this time no homeopathic remedy would help.
Dream: be transparent
On July 9, 2013, I dreamed that I wanted to learn to see fairies and elves. In my vacation apartment, I was hosting an event with a bunch of people where a woman was invited who could see fairies. With much anticipation and excitement, I waited for this woman. Would she teach me how to see fairies?
Then, an old lady came in ( – but she was not the one who could see fairies – ) and told me that I should dress myself in light turquoise transparent dungarees with frills at the top. She also requested that I wear only that and no underwear.
I was uncomfortable with that suggestion. The fabric was very thin and see-through. But I gave in.
The woman who could see fairies still had not arrived. But now, many people came in and the room was full.
I sat across from another woman and thought maybe she could read my aura. But she didn’t. Instead, she gave me a slip of paper. It said that I should write down my full name, email, and my address. And then I should tell all the people in the room what I had experienced on my spiritual journey.
I was appalled by that suggestion. I did not want to tell people my story in connection with my real name. My privacy was sacred to me.
Then I woke up.
The light turquoise pointed to the throat chakra which is about communication. I was invited to communicate and to be very transparent (just like the fabric of the transparent dungarees).
This dream contained very clear guidance about how I was supposed to continue. To come out of hiding with my full name and address and tell what I had experienced.
But I resisted. That was way out of my comfort zone. I felt too vulnerable.
On one hand, I was secretly dreaming of sharing more and writing about all the incredible stories I had experienced on my journey. But on the other hand, it still felt too early and premature, too vulnerable, too dangerous.
The check mark sign
Part of the reason that I was hesitant to share my story was that I wasn’t really sure that I had really grokked that I am awareness and that I am in a different dimension compared to the visible world, at the same time surrounding it as well as permeating it. Everything in everyday life still looked so normal, except that the sense of the silent observer in me was more present. Was that enough? How could I dare to speak up and write what I had experienced?
In the Eastern traditions, spiritual students usually had their guru who would confirm to them that they ‘got it’. And it was usually only after that confirmation (AND after an additional integration period of about 10 years) that they would dare to write and share. But I was on my own and had no guru, except for my spirit guides, that is.
But on one day in July 2013, in the middle of this arduous pondering and doubting, I stared at the bathroom door in our house and was amazed by what I saw.
Just in front of my eyes, in the middle of the door, there was a tiny green checkmark. It was a piece of the fabric of a green plastic net which was used for packaging zucchini in the supermarket. In German, we use the verb ‘to check’ also as a synonym for ‘to understand something’. I assumed that some invisible power behind the scenes had placed that tiny piece there in front of my eyes to let me know that I had indeed understood that I am awareness.
I wondered how this piece of plastic got to the door and admired the abilities of my guides to communicate with me. This confirmation gave me a new sense of peace. But I still wasn’t willing to go ahead and share more publicly.
This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).