Synchronicities at work

I have found that things tended to fall more into place after awakening, not only in my private life but also at the workplace. The following two stories illustrate this.

The hotline ticket

Sept. 2014. ‘Oh, no, ‘ I thought. ‘Not another complicated hotline ticket for me this morning, please!’

I stared at my computer screen at work and thought how my day would be ruined if I had to take care of this issue. It would probably take me a while to find time slots for meetings with two other colleagues who were involved, let alone discuss the issue and offer a fix.

Discouraged I did what I usually do when faced with trouble. I went to the restroom, got a fresh cup of tea afterwards, all the while trying to get back into inner peace.

When I arrived back at my desk, I was in a better state of mind. Things would be resolved, I thought. I would be able to handle it – somehow.

Then, later this morning, one of the colleagues who were also involved in the hotline issue came into our office and started to talk with my colleague.

I thought, ‚How convenient. Now I can get hold of him and ask him.‘ So, after they were finished, I asked him. And he could give me helpful information.

Later on the same morning, the other colleague who was involved also dropped by ‘coincidentally’ in our office, and I could ask him too.

With the help of these synchronicities, the hotline issue was resolved in no time without any sense of struggle on my part.

The godsent empty battery

I had worked on a project with a tight time schedule and a high workload. One of my colleagues had scheduled a meeting to discuss my results.

But I would not be ready for the meeting. It was just too much work.

I got tense and slightly stressed and anxious. I tried harder and harder to get things done faster and be more efficient. But I had little hope that I would make it for the deadline.

On the day of the meeting, I was not finished, but I had calmed down and decided  that we could try to discuss the results I had so far.

But when we sat down in the meeting, just after a couple of minutes , the battery of the headset of the colleague was empty and he could not continue. And – the next time slot which would suit him for a new meeting was in about a week.

What a relief!

Without having to do any additional struggle, I got one more week to finish my work.

I have found that this happened quite often that life got easier and things would fall more into place after awakening. It was as if there was an invisible force of support which would take care of everything. Maybe this flow of support had always been there, and it was only after awakening that I became aware of it. Or maybe I was more able to access that magic place of inner peace that would cause miracles to occur.

***

In the metaphor of the mountainhike, I had started to go downhill again. And that meant a phase of integration. This consisted of lessons, tests, training in intuition and courage, manifestations, and divine help.

downhill_partA_4

***

This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).

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PC issues mirroring intense emotions

One day in October 2014, intense sadness about the situation at work came up. Not only was I still not promoted, but I had just found out that the information about everyone’s career level was now internally visible for everyone in our company who would care to find out. (Yeah, I know, probably nobody cared anyway.)

I felt anger because this had suddenly been published. I didn’t remember having been informed about it. It’s none of anyone’s business to know about my career level, is it? Why on earth did someone suddenly decide to make this information internally visible? But even more than anger, I felt a deep sense of shame and sadness about that. I wanted to stay away from everyone and be alone, drowning in my grief.

My guidance tried to soothe me in many ways. Talking to me, sending me a dream as a warning, sending me a happy song. But to no avail. I just wanted to shut myself off from everyone and be left alone.

Five days later when I was still in that bad mood, I logged in to my PC at work. But, what a surprise, I could not get connection to the company network. In particular, that meant no phone to call the hotline and no means to open a service request. I had to ask two colleagues for help to create an online service request for me.

When I finally managed to talk to someone from the IT support, they diagnosed the issue and said that for some weird reason the ‘Global’ group was missing on my PC. And probably someone would have to come to my PC to recreate it.

Then, I left my desk to get a cup of tea and managed to become silent and think about what might have caused this issue.

Suddenly it dawned on me that this weird behavior of my PC mirrored my bad mood and my wish to be left alone. I mean I was shut off from the network, literally.  So, I managed to confess that to myself and then went back to my desk.

To my surprise, the network connection was now working again even though nobody from the support had restored any ‘Global’ group on my PC.

Two things are noteworthy in this story:

A) Processing emotions on this journey is a tricky thing for me. Suppression is not good as this can lead to health issues. But feeling the emotion and then drowning in it can also lead to unwanted side effects.

B) There is amazing power in forgiveness of such events. I have repeatedly found that technical issues vanish when I realize that they just mirror something inside of me.
(Other stories are Power of forgiveness and Forgiveness and lost emails).

***

This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).

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Troubles and tests

End of September 2012, during the time where I was decluttering the house like crazy, I sat down and thought about what I wanted our house to be like. I wrote down words like ‘space, light, color, yellow, white, beauty, simplicity, clean, relaxed, easy, natural, joy, peace, freedom, carefree’.

It was an attempt to create some sense of serenity by rearranging things ‘out there’. My inner state at that time was very active regarding the decluttering and decoration of the house. However, regarding communicating and sharing my insights about the spiritual journey, I felt nothing but tremendous apathy. So, it wasn’t the case  that I was missing inner peace, but I wasn’t on track regarding what my soul wanted either.

This little writing exercise seemed like a natural thing to do – focus and envision what I want and then write it down.

However, I wasn’t prepared for what would follow.

Immediately, my family members started to act up. My husband yelled at my older son for no reason at all. My younger son misbehaved at school and we had to talk to his teacher. My older son demanded that I help him with his homework, but then he wouldn’t let me into his room. And he kept slamming the doors just in order to make a lot of noise and wake me up from my nap. It was like a conspiracy of the entire family to make life like hell. And in addition, my youngest son got pneumonia again which added to my stress level.

Eventually, the situation resolved after a couple of days and I found back to inner peace and gratitude. But what was going on? It seemed as if my wish for a peaceful environment and my visualization exercise provoked exactly the opposite of peace. I wondered why. And I still haven’t come up with a definite conclusion. Maybe it was that the wish for peace brought everything to the surface which was not in alignment? Or more likely, maybe I was shown that peace has to come from my inside of me rather than wishing for a peaceful environment?

I included this example here because it shows that things do not always go according to what we have been taught in books. It also shows that I found it not always easy to interpret what happened on my spiritual journey. Often, there was a lot of questioning and doubting what a certain combination of inner state and outer events meant.

***

This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).

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From anger to acceptance (part 4/4): letting go

It had been 2 years now since I heard that I would not get a promotion at work. Two years of anger –  and now I was ready to let go.

Relax

July 2011. I was in my cozy bed, slowly waking up, when suddenly letters came into my mind. WYTAR, all capitalized.

WTF??

Confused I asked what this meant. It wasn’t any word that I could identify.

After some pondering, I decided that because the letters were capitalized, maybe it was an abbreviation? But for what?

Then the thoughts came that it could mean, ‘Watch your thoughts and relax.’
Or ‘Wipe your thoughts away, relax.’

It sounded like an attempt from my guidance to communicate with me. And since I was not trained to listen to their words, they had to use an abbreviation to get their foot in the door.

Giving up at work

I had finally made peace with the fact that I would not get a promotion. I still did all the work as before. But I was not attached to the promotion anymore.

Journal entry of Sept 9, 2011:

I have given up at work. It feels as if I get no appreciation. Not for programming. Not for my cooperation with the other department.

I feel resigned and a kind of relaxation. Pleasantly quiet. Listless and apathetic. I don’t care anymore.

Whether I spend an entire week to do a PC upgrade or whether I do something more ‘useful’, it doesn’t matter. It’s all like occupational therapy anyway.

When the world is just a dream, why should I be engaged? What’s the point of it all?

The only important thing that counts is waking up. Getting out of the dream.

And somehow things fall into place now.
Those projects where I didn’t want to participate are either canceled or staffed with other people. These are all gifts from the universe. My older child is about to stop singing in the choir, just in time so that I don’t have to do the dreaded task of having to sew a costume for their musical performance.

Maybe my state of relaxed listlessness is quite a good thing.

Gimme!  Gimme! Gimme!

Nov 4, 2011. In my mind, I heard the song Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! by ABBA.

I looked up the lyrics and thought, ‘Yeah, please give me someone to take me through the dark night.’

By giving up the attachment to a promotion, I had on the one hand gained some inner peace. But on the other hand, I also felt  listless and apathetic. My usual passion and engagement was gone. A bit like a dark night of the soul. And I wondered who was going to come along and take me through that dark night?

ACIM workbook start

Even though I had read the textbook part of A Course in Miracles a while ago, I could not make up my mind to start the lessons in the workbook.

But on date 11.11.11, I eventually started the lessons.

Maybe it was Jesus and his words in ACIM that were meant to help me through the dark night of the soul?

Inner discussions

It was not like detaching from a promotion and doing the lessons in the ACIM workbook would immediately work wonders for my emotional turmoil. Rather, I was still in constant inner discussions.

What was the solution?

Should I rather work as project lead because that was more rewarded than doing coding development even though I did not like the work as a project lead?

Nah. Career was not that important to me that I would force myself to work in a role that was not fun for me.

Or should I drop my engagement?

That would mean I would have to give up the programming which was so deeply satisfying. I feared that I would become depressed if I did that.

Or maybe I could  continue to work with passion and engagement like before even if I would never get a reward for it?

That sounded like it would be the ‘spiritually correct’ choice. To do the work that was fun and give a damn about whether it was rewarded or not. And also to do selfless service. I thought that I had to try to choose that path. And I tried. But every time I attempted to work like before, the anger would bubble up again, ‘It will not be rewarded. That is unfair. I feel exploited. I am angry.’ So, that path did not work for me either.

Maybe I should leave the company?

Well, I needed the money. Just dropping everything here with no idea what else to do would put me into fear because I would have lost my regular income.

Or maybe I should at least change the department?

Good idea. But hard to do because I was working part-time. Besides, I figured that the problem of anger about too little appreciation would follow me around wherever I went.

No. I would stay and find out what happened.

It was now more than 2 years after my colleague had let me in on the secret that a functional career path did not exist here. And I my mind was still running in circles.

 

New salary group

End of January 2012, because of a new rule in our company, I was placed into a higher salary group. That would allow for more pay raise than in my previous salary group for the next years. Woohoo!

That was one of the gifts by the universe after I had started to let go and make peace with the situation at work and after I had started the workbook lessons of ACIM. And many more gifts would pour in later.

This is a pattern that I have experienced over and over again on this journey. Whenever I manage to come to a state of inner peace about a troubling situation, then things will change for the better.

Layers of emotion and an experiment

I had noticed that my emotions came in layers. I would stay with an emotion until it dissolved, but then some new emotion would show up underneath.

Below the anger was sadness. Sadness, because I felt worthless when didn’t get the appreciation that I felt I deserved.

And below the sadness, there was anxiety. Like a diffuse fear about an unknown cause. I wondered where it came from. Maybe it was a fear of the dissolution of my known sense of self or a fear of being non-existent?

Also, I was afraid that I would fall into a depression when I followed this route of detachment towards work. I was afraid that I would fall into a nihilistic hole with apathy, listlessness, and an overall feeling of meaninglessness.

I decided to make an experiment. What would happen when I let myself fall into detachment?

Depression? Or inner peace?

I was curious.

Inner peace

By end of March, 2012, I had stopped doing ACIM lessons (- I got only till around lesson 100 (of a total of 365 lessons)). Instead, I had discovered the Raj material (Raj aka Jesus channeled by Paul N. Tuttle) and devoured the transscripts of the gatherings (informal Q&A sessions).

My state of mind was peaceful, blissful, and very detached from work and any of my usual concerns. Listless, without any motivation to do anything, but peaceful.

Nothing mattered.
I would never get a promotion – okay, never mind.
Our house needed to be cleaned – that didn’t matter.
My child wouldn’t do his homework – but I didn’t care.

Now, let me clarify this. It wasn’t as if everything went down the drain. Somehow the basic important things were done – at work as well as at home. It was just that I didn’t invest that extra struggle or control that I would have invested previously.

Also I want to clarify that merely detaching from the promotion was not the end of letting go. There was more letting go to be done later on the path.

After I had detached from the goal to get a promotion, I felt the imbalance between the effort that I put into my work and the reward. I mean I could accept that there is no promotion. But doing all the work as before with the same amount of passion and the same amount of responsibility and stress? Well, that was an entirely different thing to let go of and would come much later in the journey. And finding forgiveness and  letting go of resentment and grudges was yet another process.

Is it okay to be detached and peaceful?

But I wondered: Was it okay to be that detached and peaceful? Wasn’t I overdoing it when I didn’t care about my normal duties?

Then synchronisticly, I came upon a Raj channeling where someone asked whether it was okay to feel listless for a longer time.

And Raj’s answer was, yes, one could compare it to a symphony where the violas have a long break of several dozens of bars. The symphony was designed this way that the violas have a break. They didn’t need to feel guilty for their lack of involvement.

I was in awe that my request was answered so promptly and took the metaphor with the violas as a sign that the forces behind the veil were approving my new state of mind.

***

Using the metaphor of a hike for my spiritual journey, the winding road uphill had become rocky again due to the anger at work.

During the rocky time, I took a leap of faith over an abyss when I bravely managed to get off the allopathic meds (see previous post).

I was shown with much stick-and-carrot-guidance that anger would give rise to undesirable results and inner peace would result in miracles.

On my uphill path, I had reached another turning point when I managed to let go of the need for a promotion and came to inner peace about the situation. I was as if I had thrown a heavy rock out of my backpack. I was now walking uphill with much lighter baggage.

Anger_letting_go_3

 

 

***

This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).

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When the universe says Boo!

“Oh no, not another one of these problems!” I exclaimed after my husband had told me that our trash can outside of the house had just vanished into thin air. It wasn’t our own container. In Germany, we usually rent them from the local waste management company.

My mind started racing. Would I have to inform the police and insurance company that it was stolen? What does a trash can cost? Where do we store the trash now?

I’ve had enough of these annoying issues already. From April 2015  through August 2015, they arose one after another. Threats to my time, plans, money, and even my health. Ranging from mildly annoying to frightening.

During one of these issues, I went into panic mode and made an unwise decision. When the train drivers announced their strike, I canceled my train tickets right away and decided to go by bus instead. But about two days later, the strike was called off temporarily and the train drivers agreed to enter mediation instead. Now, I was stuck with the bus tickets which meant a much longer travel time.

That was a lesson. Had I only been able to stay at peace and listen to the voice of intuition! During the next issues, I made sure that I didn’t let fear take over.

It was as if the universe said Boo! in a haunted house ride, trying to push me off center, and all I needed to do was stay at inner peace and say to myself, “I wonder what I feel guided to do now and how this issue will be solved.”

The answer from the wise inner voice was usually,
“Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.”

And then I watched how things worked out – with little or no action from my side.

What about the trash can?

“Oh, it can happen that the garbage truck swallows the trash can altogether. Don’t worry, we will provide you a new one next week”, the lady from the local waste management company assured me. “You can even have a larger one at no additional cost.”

How great! We could really use a larger trash can. With much relief and gratitude, I accepted the offer.

 

10 ways to inner peace

  1. Know about the importance of inner peace
    Inner peace is not just another emotional state, but it is our real being. It is the place of power. Being there is like having a magic wand.
    Inner peace is the place from which knowing comes. Knowing how to act appropriately in a given situation.
  2. Desire peace
    As long as it feels good to succumb to anger, the desire for peace is not strong enough. But life will take care of this. Eventually, we will all have suffered enough, and then inner peace will become the highest priority.
  3. Clear the clutter and simplify your life
    Too much stuff, too many items on the to-do list, and too many responsibilities can feel overwhelming. A friend asked me how I can stay relatively relaxed. I replied that part of it is that I have a low maintenance life-style. I just don’t do a lot of things that women and mothers are supposed to do in our society. Of course, that raises some eyebrows every now and then. But, inner peace is more important to me than fulfilling norms of the society.
  4. Get enough sleep, exercise, walk in nature, breathe consciously
  5. Keep a journal
    Write down anything that is bothering you just to get it out of your system.
  6. Meditate
    My favorite method is turning the focus of attention 180 degrees backwards so that awareness looks at itself. No counting of breaths, no special posture, no visualization techniques. Can be done during sleepless nights lying in bed or during routine tasks like peeling carrots for dinner.
    (This method comes from the Dzogchen tradition, but the easiest explanation is here in this 4 min video http://www.justonelook.org)
  7. Forgive
    If shit hits the fan, my favorite method is ACIM style forgiveness.
    In case you get angry about a situation, turn within and ask for inner guidance. How can I see this differently?
    If I don’t hear any answer, I run through the following checklist:
    -) I don’t get upset because the me which is hurt is not the real me ( – like it would be stupid to get upset about losing in a board game of Parcheesi).
    -) I don’t get upset because the thought which leads to being upset is not true ( turn the thought around with The Work by Byron Katie)
    -) I don’t get upset because there is something good even in this seemingly bad situation ( – maybe the disturbing event or person is meant to mirror me in order to show me something? Maybe it is a reminder of lost peace? Or it has a metaphoric meaning?)
    -) I don’t get upset because I have created the upsetting event myself in the first place (via the power of my creative consciousness).
    -) I don’t get upset because I have planned this challenge before my incarnation and it serves the purpose that I shall remember who I am in truth. (See the great books  Your Soul’s Plan and Your Soul’s Gift by Robert Schwartz. I was surprised to find out why someone might plan to experience alcoholism for decades. I highly recommend these books in case you struggle with some major issue which makes you upset for several years.)
  8. Stop the thought spiral about past and future
    How to stop anger and regret about the past and worries about the future? Options are ACIM style forgiveness, meditation, or focussing the mind on the present or on some task (like mantras or a flow activity).
  9. Give up control
    Being a mother has taught me that I have no control over my children. I have no access to the switch in their head when it comes to whether they learn or whether they clean their room. I can’t turn a tulip into a rose and vice versa. I can only give them water and fertile soil. It’s useless to struggle and then beat myself up about my inability to control them.
  10. Wake up
    See that the separate personal self is an illusion in the first place.
    We are consciousness. Before birth, in the body, and after death, we are consciousness. There is always the ‘I Am’ with content. We are the ‘I Am’ with all its content: noise colors lights shadows sensations thoughts emotions (which are physical sensations in the body) memories (which are thoughts). But by putting the label on our body as ‘me’ and on the other person and the wall over there as ‘not me’, we have separated ourselves with the consequence of fear and guilt. The way back home is seeing through the illusion of these labels. ‘I’ is just a label for this particular body-mind appearing in consciousness and it is not more real than Santa Claus. (Book recommendation: Gateless Gatecrashers by I. Cuinaite and E. Nezhinsky)

Power of forgiveness and lost emails

Some years ago, our mail server was restructured. After that upgrade, my emails of the last 30 days were lost.

Fortunately, I had already read all of them and there were no action items left. But still, I wanted to keep them just for the record.

My initial reaction was self-righteous upset. “Oh boy, they messed it up!”

Of course, I asked whether the emails could be restored. But somehow that wasn’t  possible without unwanted side effects.

Then I became quiet.

A Course In Miracles (ACIM) teaches to turn within and ask, ‘How can I see this differently?’

Lately, that translates for me into, ‘How the heck have I manifested that one?’

Suddenly, it dawned on me.

This happened during a phase when I was decluttering my home. It was like a compulsive decluttering diarrhea where I thought about nothing else than getting rid of old stuff. For ten weeks in a row, I threw away stuff from all categories. Clothing, books, CDs, pots and pans, etc. .

The universe merely seemed to say, “You like to throw things away? Let me see how I can help you.”

And with a mischievous grin it cleaned away my emails, too.

I became quiet and didn’t get upset, knowing that I had called this issue into my experience.

Four weeks later and without any further action from my side, the lost emails suddenly reappeared.

***

Usual disclaimer:
ACIM style forgiveness is not about creating a better dream. Instead, it is about waking up to the fact that we have all created this ourselves. As a byproduct, the manifestation of the outer world can change.

The power of forgiveness

My wise inner voice urges me to share my spiritual journey. Yet, often I still recoil in fear from that task. (Somehow, I’m afraid they might still hunt witches in Europe.)

So, mid of October 2014, I manifested three opportunities for sharing and writing under my real name. But each time, I had second thoughts about it. And I would procrastinate.

And each time, something in my surroundings would mirror that hesitation.

Often, this sort of fear-based procrastination was mirrored by some clogged things. Oh, I didn’t know how many things there are in a household that can be clogged! Coffee machine, dishwasher, drain, toilet, shower head…
A year ago, I even had breathing issues  – a clogged throat chakra.

Two weeks ago, the drain in the bathroom sink was clogged. I do prefer a clogged drain over a clogged throat chakra, but it still sucks.

Shit!

I was aware immediately that I probably caused the clogging by my resistance to sharing under my real name.  I assumed that I would have to pour chemicals into it in order to fix the drain. How annoying! Sometimes, life on Earth sucks.

Then one evening, I confessed to my husband, “You know, the clogged drain is very likely caused by my refusal to respond to that newspaper call for readers’ experiences about spirituality.”

He listened patiently, probably not believing my theory. Then, he got up and went to the bathroom. “Honey, did you do something to the drain? It appears to be cleaned now.  I didn’t pour any chemicals into it. Did you?”

No, I didn’t either.

***

The power of forgiveness is that I come into alignment with my real being, i.e. that I find my inner peace even if faced with disturbing situations. As a result of that, the outer circumstances can change since they reflect my inner emotional state.