If you want to make God laugh

As I lay half-awake in bed around 3 am on May 14, the inner voice started to talk again. At first, with compliments and congratulations regarding the recent workshop on divine guidance.

But then it said,  “I want you to hold an internationally available online seminar”.  And afterwards, I had the song “Live is Life” in my head. I guess that meant it had  to be a ‘live’ webinar.

§@$§&%.!!!

*Sigh*.

Ok, it is not that  bad. After all, I am not required to travel, book venues, invent a logo, print flyers, and all that stuff. It will just be webinar. Just talking into a lifeless camera hole for about an hour. I should be able to accomplish that.

Originally, I had planned to do the workshop on divine guidance end of March 2017 and then to retreat into cave time again in order to rest and  heal more. Maybe my rheumatoid arthritis would improve after a past-life regression hypnosis? I wanted to focus on self-care and healing.

I did not dare to listen to the inner voice because I was afraid it would tell me bluntly what I had to do next. And I am fed up with constantly getting new tasks.

But only about a week after I had posted the script of the workshop, I already got this new assignment.

Afterwards, my usual course of events started, similar to what I have described in ‘the universe’s bag of tricks’.

Resistance, followed by dreams that tried to persuade me with metaphors that  I ‘needed to nurture my baby’. That it would be ‘a piece of cake’. That it is a ‘leap of faith’ which is required and which will lead me to happiness. An inner voice which told me that I must speak.

More resistance, followed by dreams that threatened me (-in one of them a person dressed in a skeleton costume walked behind me, as if to tell me that death is going after me if I resist).

Still more resistance, and I got  clogged drains everywhere and other mirroring patterns (for example,  no network connections or people not answering my comments and emails).

More resistance, and now I feel a tightness in my throat chakra again.  Just like back in 2013, when I resisted sharing  anything of my experiences at all.

Alright. So, I will have to do this webinar if I don’t want to feel choked again.

I wonder where this will lead to. I can see the puzzle pieces falling into place. This blog, the youtube video, the divine guidance workshop. It is all about coming out of hiding and sharing. Expressing myself, becoming visible, and speaking up. And I find it stressful each time I get a new assignment.

I often wonder why I am chosen to speak about guidance even though I am so resistant. Or maybe it is exactly because  I am so resistant?  Maybe I will teach what I need to learn? Not only listening to guidance, but also how the process of surrendering happens in slow motion?

Whenever I asked some channels about these patterns, the answer was always, “Follow your joy.”  Yeah, good idea! My joy is journaling and taking walks in nature. But anything that has to do with workshops is stress. Therefore, it feels as if I have to choose between my joy and my guidance. That is probably not how it is supposed to be.

Rather, I am often thinking of the story of Jonah. He was guided to go and preach in Nineveh but resisted. He got on a turbulent cruise trip  instead and then got a ride in the stomach of a whale which transported him to his destination. Eventually, he had to give up his resistance.

Sure, Jonah, just ‘follow your joy’, and all will be well? Nope. It does not always work that way.

Also, this Bible passage speaks to me
“That servant who knows his master’s will but does not get ready or follow his instructions will be beaten with many blows.” (Luke 12:47) That means once I know what I am expected to do, I better follow it. If I don’t, I will get into trouble. That has been exactly my experience over and over again since 2013.

So, the phase I am going through is still about coming into alignment with the will of my higher self and it feels like I am being kept on an ever shortening leash.

I had other plans after the workshop in March. But if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

 

Divine Guidance Workshop

After much resistance and many pushes by the universe, I gave in and held a pilot version of the divine guidance workshop.

It was the ‘lite version’ of it. Just half a day with only six friends in my living room. No hassle with having to book a venue, no marketing, no traveling.

This event was not only heavily enforced by nudges and pushes of the universe, but many details of it were also guided.

A dream about the target group
When I wrote the script for the workshop, I was not sure who should be the target group. Materialists? Lightworkers? Buddhists?  Christians?

When I asked, I got the answer “We will send you a dream”. And then I dreamt about one of the participants and interpreted that as the prototype of a member of the target group.

Dreams about the chapter on the basics
I wondered whether I should include a chapter on the basics of the spiritual journey in order to let people know that guidance will shift their identity and will also result in a loss of free will.

But wouldn’t this information  deter many readers who might just want to know how to find the right romantic partner or how to make more money?

Then I had two dreams which both indicated that it would be silly  to cut away the foundation and therefore decided to include the chapter on basics.

Advice on the date
In November 2016, I was finally ready to stop procrastinating and set a deadline – just so that I could get that task off my chest.

But when should the pilot version of the workshop take place?

I asked the inner voice and heard “End of March 2017”.

So, I set the date to March 31, and everyone of the participants had time on that day.

Help with single chapters
When I wrote the chapter on synchronicity, I needed a good example as a story to include.

But I was at a loss. I did not want to just quote the old story of Carl Jung and the scarab beetle, but rather tell my own story.

As if to answer this request,  a bird flew against my window. It was a special bird – a canary.  And it had a special connection to our family on that day. You can read more about it in the chapter on synchronicities in the script.

An email which should not be sent
After a draft of the script was ready, I sent it to a friend. He wrote  a lot of detailed feedback into the comments.

When I attempted to answer all his remarks in a lengthy document, my computer program just did not save my answers. About two hours of work were lost.

I took that as a sign that this answer was not to be sent – for whatever reason.

Advice on whom to invite
Three weeks before the workshop, the inner voice told me,  “Can we talk? I don’t want you to ruin this. You need to invite F., too.”

I said, “Yes, I can do that, but F. usually works on Fridays and he will probably not be able join.”

The inner voice replied, “He will come. I promise.”

So, I invited F., and indeed, he participated. And it turned out that his presence was a blessing in several ways.

 

During the last two years, I have learned over and over again in how many ways an endeavor is guided if my higher self wants to make it happen by all means. At first, there are gentle nudges and not so gentle pushes. After the realization that resistance is futile, there is surrender. And in the end the whole universe conspires to support it.

***

I am very grateful to the six participants of the pilot version of the workshop who took the time to test this and who gave me valuable feedback and to all fellow bloggers here on WordPress who have shared how guidance shows up for them, who have encouraged me, and who have offered help in many different ways. Thanks a lot to all of you!

The link to the free script  of the divine guidance workshop (downloadable pdf) can be found here .

Postcards from cave time

I have been nudged and pushed by the inner voice to do a workshop on divine guidance. But I resisted this task a lot. So, I thought it would be a good idea to look at the resistance. Where does it come from?

With this intention, I entered into cave time.  I felt that I first needed to make peace with life and all the loss and pain that is part of the spiritual journey (- think of a caterpillar in the chrysalis stage grieving the loss of the former self), before I could move on with the task of creating a workshop.

Here, are  some postcards from the phase of cave time about the patterns I have experienced.

  1. Feeling confused while in the midst of it
    I find it hard to make sense of a phase when I am in the midst of it. It is much easier to look at a difficult time in retrospect and then see what it was good for and what I have learned from it.
  2. Connecting the dots in retrospect
    As I read through old journals, I was able to see common topics that came up over and over again. For example, one of them was “Learn to express your view and set boundaries even if that might upset others!” Maybe this is why I am guided to continue blogging?
  3. Working through old stuff goes roughly backwards in time.
    First, the most recent ‘forgiveness opportunities’ came up, like anger at work. After that, the older stuff came up for processing (like the painful and crippling rheumatoid arthritis I got after the birth of my first child). Last, some unpleasant childhood memories came up about being treated unkindly in a hospital at the age of 3 years.
    So, that goes roughly backwards in time. However, the whole review process was triggered by a disturbing past-life memory that was revealed to me.
  4. Reframing, witnessing, faith
    In order to make peace with emotionally upsetting stuff from the past, for me, it usually comes down to reframing in order to find peace of mind. There is probably some gold nugget in the experience that I must be determined to find.
    For current surges of emotional pain, the witness position was often the only peaceful place to be found.
    When nothing else helped, like with physical pain, I got signs by the universe to just have faith that things would improve over time.
  5. The universe uses WordPress
    Whenever I had an urgent question during this time, there would soon be several posts in my WordPress feed which contained an answer to my question. God listens. How comforting!
  6. Lists
    Besides journaling, I have found it helpful to make lists of all kinds. The list of recurring issues in my life. The list of things to be grateful for. The list of things my higher self would enjoy doing (sharing my experiences fearlessly) versus the list of things my personality self would enjoy (sitting safely on my couch and reading yet another book).
  7. Sharing
    Though I did not blog during the last 10 months, I journaled a lot. But somehow, this was not enough. Whenever I had moved through a topic, someone appeared with whom I was prompted to share. It was as if I was encouraged to spell out for someone else what I had experienced and learned or where I was stuck.Thank you to everyone with whom I could connect during that time!
  8. Honoring my inner knowing
    When sharing my process with others, they often felt compelled to suggest solutions to my issues. Often, that was helpful. However, in some cases I had to politely decline their advice and rather honor my own inner knowing about what would be the appropriate next step for me – even if I was sorry to see that the other person felt rejected and disappointed.
  9. Advice to others is advice for myself
    I often found that when I gave others suggestions about what I guessed would be helpful in their situation, that was the very thing I needed to tell myself in the next difficult situation.
  10. Circling at the fork of surrender
    For me, there is a fork in the road. Surrender and do the workshop on divine guidance and all that is connected with it –  or avoid it.
    On the path of surrender, I need to face much fear.
    On the other hand, the path of avoidance does not face the fear and I could stay in my comfort zone and feel safe, but this only leads to circling and coming back to the decision fork in the road over and over again.
    Unfortunately, the path suggested by the higher self is not always what my personality-self prefers.
  11. Twisted memory or jump to another timeline?
    Twice during the last ten months, I had the experience that current facts do not conform to how I had remembered things. Very odd! Is this my lack of memory or is it something like the Mandela effect and the jump to another timeline? Interestingly, both experiences seem to be connected to decisions which made me come into better alignment with my higher self.

What happened to my resistance after all of that cave time? It is still there and I still don’t know exactly where it comes from or what it consists of.

Now, I am back to the former mode of pushing through this workshop task with obedience and self-discipline.

At least, I have set a deadline now. A  pilot version of the workshop on divine guidance with a very small number of participants will take place end of March, 2017.