The resting place – a story about gaining trust in the inner voice

Getting guidance via the inner voice can be a challenge for me because I tend to question “Did I really hear this? Or did I make this up?” Here, I want to share a story about gaining more trust in the inner voice.

The channeling homework

In 2021, I participated in a 6 months channeling class with Lisa Wechtenhiser. One of the homework tasks in June 2021 was to record a video channeling with messsages which our chosen divine being ( – in my case Archangel Michael – ) would share with the other participants in the class.

The video had to be 7 minutes long. What on earth would I talk about freely for 7 minutes while in front of the camera? I found that task extremely challenging and fear inducing and tensed up about it. (And we had to do not just one of these videos, but four. All about different topics and ranging in length from 5 minutes to 15 minutes).

Regarding the homework, I knew I wouldn’t be able to channel while sitting nervously in front of the camera. So, I took a walk around the fields, which is one of my favorite methods of relaxation, and tried to receive some messages.

I was a bit grumpy inside. Like, ‘I am sure I will not hear anything for this darn homework assignment! Poor me. What’s the point? Why even try?’

But then a little voice inside my mind said,

‘Why are you so sure that you can’t hear me when you haven’t even tried?‘

Oh, where did that come from? Okay, so maybe I just needed to keep an open mind and try.

I didn’t really hear an inner voice during the walk. It was more like getting the message from my inner guidance for myself that I needed to keep walking.

‘Keep walking‘ and ‘I’ll walk with you‘ ,

these were the statements that were always reiterated. Even though every step was painful due to the rheumatoid arthritis, I needed to keep going forward. In a physical sense and in a metaphorical sense.

What also came through was that we are never alone and always have company from the spirit realm on the journey. And we should’t forget to ask for assistance.

And then the channeling attempts were all about seeing things outside and taking them as messages or metaphors. So, I thought about the metaphors of everything along my way. The growth cycles of the trees, for example. The blossoms, bringing fruit, and then the phase of rest. And how that relates to our own lives.

Did Archangel Michael really talk to me about nature’s cycles? I have no idea. But I put it into the homework anyway because we were supposed to do it for certain length of time and I needed to fill time.

Then, I saw a fresh apple lying at the side along my way. It was not one of the apple trees here, but it was a fresh, bright green Granny Smith apple. How amazing and unusual. Normally, I didn’t find fresh fruit lying on the ground here.

I didn’t pick it up. But I thought about what a synchronicity that was since I was indeed short on apples in our frigde. And I could have picked it up as a gift. I interpreted it as a sign that I was always well taken care of and put that message into the channeling homework, too.

Next, I thought about how I had heard a crow barking like a dog at that place recently. And how that sounded funny and had pulled me out of a sad mood. So, I translated that experience into the following message:

‘If you are sad, I will send a crow which barks like a dog to put a smile on your face.’

When I went further, I came to a field where the wind was blowing through green barley. The sun came out and the barley made waves in the wind . I looked like waves on an ocean. A beautiful sight.

I thought how this would translate into words for the channeled homework message. Probably something like

‘I caress you with the sun and ruffle the hair of the earth with the wind.’

Even though my inner critic came out and said ‘Whoa, now we are going to wax lyrical about it’, I still kept it that way because the moment was truly beautiful.

Then I saw grey clouds to the left and the right and was wondering whether I would get home dry. But I did.
And then I translated that experience into

‘Don’t worry, I can part the clouds for you and make sure that you get home dry.‘

Then I went home and sat down in front of the camera to record my channeling homework video by basically repeating what I had just received during the walk before. It worked. I managed to speak freely for more than 7 minutes – with lots of repetitions and long moments of silence, though. But boy was it an awkward experience!

I struggled with this. Was this really valid channeling? Wasn’t I cheating because I was unable to do it freely in front of the camera without any preparation? And in addition, I didn’t really hear an inner voice most of the time. I just translated the experiences into messages. Was this valid? My my inner Officer of the Department of Doubt and Discernment was having a field day.

Towards the end of the recording session of the channeling, a surprising message dropped in, this time rather spontaneously.

‘And if you are hungry, I will provide a resting place along the way, make sure that the weather is fine and that you have something to eat. I fill your cup.‘

I was surprised about what just escaped my mouth. Where did that come from? Was Archangel Michael going to build another bench plus a table as a picnic place for me? Probably not. But I had said it anyway.

But then something happened which reminded me of that sentence again and which also restored trust that maybe I might not have made all the stuff up, but maybe I had received the messages correctly.

The fallen tree

Much to my surprise, a few weeks after I had done the channeling homework, we had a storm and an old tree at the corner of the field fell down. It must have been already rotten inside so that it could not withstand the storm.

Then the farmer hauled the tree to the side of the field (see picture below). And there, it served as the bench that Archangel Michael would provide as a resting place as the channeling had promised.

The location was perfect for my walk around the field since it was placed about half way. And nobody seemed to use it except me. The other people only used the real benches. And if the other benches were occupied but I needed to sit down to rest my legs and feet which had pain from rheumatoid arthitis, then I was very grateful to have this lying tree just for myself.

It was not just a place to rest when exhausted. It was also a place to rest when hungry, as it said in the channeling. Because prune trees were growing around that fallen tree.

The carving

A while later, I sat on another (real) bench along the field when I saw someone drive by on his bicycle. I looked at the brand of the bike and it said ‘Carver’.

I had never seen that bike brand before around here and thought maybe there was a message in that. Maybe I needed to pay attention to something. But what? I decided to look closer at the woodworm carving marks in the fallen tree.

So, when I sat down later on the fallen tree and as I glanced over the large amount of woodworm marks on it, I saw something special. It looked like an angel. A head, then a body with a long gown, two wings, and a sword. Seeing something resembling and angel alone would be awesome enough, but the sword pointed me to Archangel Michael. And that was the guide with whom I had been supposed to do this channeling exercise. Interpreting something into these carvings is very subjective, of course, like seeing images in clouds. Certainly, someone else might have seen something different. But for me it was meaningful.

So, even though that whole homework channeling exercise felt somehow forced and awkward and like I was making it all up, that chain of events with the sentence ‘When you are hungry, I will provide a resting place‘ and the fallen tree helped me to gain trust in the inner voice.

So maybe in my case, that is the way to go with attempts to channel. I can just start with something. Just start talking or writing even if it feels made up. And then at some point some message may slip in which might be surprising but turn out to be true later.

Building trust in divine guidance

An essential aspect of the spiritual journey with divine guidance is trust. There are two parts to trust. One is to trust whether the message we received comes from spirit and not from our ego. And also, is it from a benevolent, wise spirit and not from a negative one? And the other part is to actually trust enough that all will work out well so that we are courageous enough to dare to act on the message or advice. Getting guidance to do something scary (like coming out of the woo-closet, for example) does not mean we are automatically ready to follow that guidance.

In order to trust guidance, it is crucial to learn to distinguish it from the ego’s voice. But how? Some parts may be obvious. If it is the voice of anger, hatred, or fear, it is from ego.

But at other times, there is no easy answer since the ego can come as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The ego can mask itself as reliability and responsibility when it is really attachment to the former self-definition and attachment to security and comfortable old pathways. So, I have to be aware that any of my well-meant intentions can stem from ego.

If the universe wants me to do something, there will usually be many signs pointing into that direction on many different input channels. But if the ego wants me to do something, there won’t be such signs.

Also, inner peace is a measure. If I am in inner peace, then the inner guidance is most likely from spirit.

For learning to trust the guidance, I find it helpful to maintain a healthy communication partnership like I would in the 3d world. And by that I mean patient listening without interrupting, repeating the content in own words and asking “did I understand this correctly?”, or asking “I don’t see the point. Can you clarify more?”

In order to establish this kind of rapport, you can ask for fine-tuning of the communication methods. For example, I asked for additional signals that the inner voice was of spirit and got little flashes of light on my retina and sounds in the outside world like that of a window frame which is cracking as it is adjusting to temperature differences.

(Just as I was re-reading this sentence in the draft version of this post, the window frame in my living room made a cracking noise and my heart made a jump of joy. I love these little synchronicities which occur throughout my day. That which would otherwise feel like an ordinary groundhog day suddenly becomes sprinkled with the shiny glitter of awe and wonder.)

If I don’t understand guidance or disagree, then I discuss and ask for clarification. I think it is important to not become a yes-man. The spiritual journey is not about adoring or serving our spirit guides. But it is about coming into touch with or own divinity.

Here is a story by Paul Tuttle, who channels Raj (aka Jesus). He ran into this trap of being overly obedient once he realized that it was Jesus who he was talking to. And it is interesting to see what trick Jesus had to apply in order to get him out of that state.

“He shifted from a healthy relationship with me to one of blind obedience. It was an interesting situation—and I will not go on at length about it—but it was an interesting situation because I could not tell him to stop doing it because he would have been blindly obedient. And so I set up a circumstance for him—an impossible circumstance.“
Source : Raj gathering, Lake Morey, 1994,
from http://heavenlydesigns.homestead.com/Gathering.html (page 39 of 99)

Eventually, Paul got so uncomfortable with the “impossible circumstance” that was set up for him that he refused to follow guidance. But he had returned to his integrity.

***

Once the guidance is clear and I have accepted it, I should follow it. Otherwise there might be consequences like mirroring events in my surroundings or sickness.

Once I have followed it, I can then evaluate whether what the guidance told me was true.

I have found that following my guidance was beneficial in most cases. However, at one time I felt that I had been terribly betrayed.

I was lured by my guides to go on a hiking event in summer 2016 with the promise that it would be very much needed for my recreation. I didn’t want to go there, but the signs and dreams were so many and so insistent that I gave in.

It turned out that the hike was way too strenuous and difficult for me. And what was even worse is that I got a severe rheumatoid arthritis attack from the strain of going steeply downhill which kept me in pain and unable to walk for almost 5 months afterwards.

I felt terribly betrayed after that trip and regretted that I had participated at all. I felt that I could never listen to my guides again after they did that to me. I even thought that I could not continue with the creation of the divine guidance workshop. How could I possibly teach others that listening to guidance is a good idea if the spirit guides can lead one into a painful disaster?

A dream then indicated to me that I was knocked out on purpose in order to put me into alignment. Apparently this 5 months period where I was not able to go for walks was something like a time-out or detention in order to get me into alignment with the will of my higher self and make me prepare the divine guidance workshop which I had procrastinated doing for more than a year (but which I held in spring of 2017, eventually).

If the higher self wants to achieve something, there is a point in the journey where resistance becomes just too painful. I am forced to yield to this higher power even if my personal preferences are not met. It often seems as if exercising my free will becomes more and more unpleasant.

One year after the hike, in summer of 2017, it turned out that a negative guide was involved in this, and he was dismissed (see here ). So, even though there was a benefit from this whole hike-pain-experience (because I finally did create the divine guidance workshop after that), the event caused some scars regarding trust which had to be dealt with afterwards, from my side as well as from the side of my guidance. This process of rebuilding the trust after 2016/17 was like two steps forward and one step back, and then repeat. And it is still work in progress (at this point in time in January 2022). Some people have the ability to sense the vibrational energy of their guides, but I can’t sense vibration. So, I don’t know whether a guide is negative or not and attracting a negative guide can always happen again to me.

In summary, trust in guidance is essential. But I found that it is not always easy to have trust. And the whole topic is multifaceted.

A leap of faith

Dream: meet old friend

On October 16, 2013, I had the following dream. I was in Berlin close to my parents’ house and had planned to visit a friend from my childhood days. Let’s call her Lena. With my small backpack on my back, I was running across a street to catch the bus to her house.

But right in front of the bus there were a few monkeys running and jumping around.
I thought, ugh, monkeys – this would mean trouble. I was afraid that they might steal my backpack.

Should I enter the bus and drive to Lena as I had promised her? Or should I stay where I was and skip the meeting in order to avoid the encounter with the monkeys?

Before I got on the bus, I woke up.

Interpretation
I didn’t know what to make of it. Lena and I had had some infrequent contact during the last years. The last time I saw her, she told me that she often felt sad or depressive. So, I was aware that there was some emotional trouble going on in her life. But what did the dream mean?

A conversation with my guide

I sat down and with pen and paper, tried to calm my mind and to get into contact with the inner voice of guidance.

‘What did the dream about Lena mean?’ I asked silently in my mind and then became still and waited for an answer.

‘Contact her. She is in trouble,’ my guide replied. ‘And send her the material you have written.’

‘What?!? No way! I cannot. I am not going to do that. I mean I do not know her so well that I would dare to share my weird, paranormal experiences with her. I don’t know whether she is open to such kind of woo-woo, world-view-shifting material. What if I overstep a boundary? What if she becomes angry with me or thinks I am nuts?’ I replied.

‘She is in trouble. Send her your unpublished material which you wrote for the forum,’ the inner voice reiterated. But he would not give me further explanations.

I was terrified and very hesitant.

‘And what about the monkeys in the dream? What did they mean?’

‘They represent your doubts.’

Oookaay.

I had to take a deep breath and to make peace with this new challenge.
Just a few weeks earlier, I had found the resolve to share publicly and then found an accountability buddy for my writing endeavors, which was good to avoid procrastination, but left me feeling naked and vulnerable. But now, I should already share with someone I knew, but in whose case I still considered it risky to share?
Boy was this stretching me way beyond my comfort zone.

Earworms

For two days, I hesitated whether to send my friend the story about my anger, the burned out light bulbs, and ACIM forgiveness. But each time I hesitated, I heard a German children’s lullaby in my head (‘Schlaf, Kindlein, schlaf’. Which translates as: Sleep, baby, sleep). This seemed to say, if you don’t want to trust the inner voice, then stay asleep. On the other hand, when I thought, ‘ok, I’m gonna obey and send this,’ then the song in my head changed to a love song (Puccini’s ‘O mio babbino caro’). I took this as a sign that my spirit guide was very serious about this and that I was not making it up. How strange to have a divine radio station playing earworms in my head! But it could be a useful communication device at times.

A leap of faith

So, two days after the dream, on October 18, 2013, I sent a mail to my friend. At first only about A Course in Miracles (ACIM) and the ACIM-related book The Disappearance of the Universe by Gary Renard which had helped me to understand what ACIM was about. And I told her that it had helped me to get out of a phase of anger in my life.

But that inner voice insisted, ‘Send her also your story about the anger and the burned out light bulbs.’

Ok, so a bit later, I also sent her my unpublished text which I had initially written for an internet forum. I apologized at least three times, how stupid I felt that I wrote her just because of this dream and that I was not sure whether she needed it at all and I hoped she wasn’t angry with me and whether she could deal with ACIM as we had never talked about spirituality before .

I couldn’t believe that I actually did this!

Congratulations and confirmation

My guides gave me a vision of a path where many people were lined up on the right-hand side (while there was no one on the left side). As I was carried along that path by my guide, all these people were congratulating me to my decision to take this leap of faith. This vision moved me deeply. It was as if I was shown how many people there were on the spirit side who cared deeply about my spiritual path and my success.

As Lena confessed later, she was in an emotionally difficult phase during that time when I had the dream of the bus and the monkeys. And she had the same issue as I did with electric things going awry when she was emotionally off-balance! She let me know that my mail was like a gift from heaven to her.

OMG! I had no idea…..!

That day was a milestone in my journey regarding trust in the inner voice of my spirit guide.  It showed me that I did not make up what the inner voice told me but that it was some genuine, important information.

***

This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).

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Trust and tests

One evening in June 2012 just before falling asleep, I had a vision. I was alone in empty space and my eyes were blindfolded. I held a big hand which was without any body attached to it. And as I walked forward, for each step that I took a stepping stone would appear under my foot just in time.

That image seemed to tell me to trust more. I would be guided every step of the way.
That does not mean that I was able to have this level of trust right away. But I was guided to it in baby steps.

A couple of days later, my younger son got a very bad cold. I was lying my bed, my feverish child child in my arms, listening to his difficult breathing. I tried to remain in inner peace, but it was difficult. I was too worried. I guessed that it was probably not just a bad cold, but more likely already a pneumonia.

I was used to treat not only my rheumatoid arthritis but also acute illnesses with homeopathy, and I asked myself how I would be able to handle this one. If possible, I would prefer not to use allopathic medicine.

But when I tried to relax and get some inspiration on which homeopathic remedies to use, I suddenly got a vision of something strange. It looked like a mixture of cooked spinach with cream. Or I could also interpret it as mold. What the heck did that mean?

Then it occurred to me that a certain type of mold produces the antibiotic penicillin. Would the vision mean that my son would need antibiotics this time? This put me on alert.

When we went to the doctor later, she prescribed antibiotics. And fortunately, they worked and my son recovered quickly.

The pneumonia was not the only troubling situation during this time. More things happened around my son which tempted me worry that he wasn’t safe. And always, it appeared to be my responsibility to make sure that he was safe. What a burden!

Afterwards I asked my guidance what this course of events was all about. This time, the answer came through a book I was reading at that time. It was a channeled text which contained the explanation, “You are creating situations for yourself that trigger old beliefs to rise so that you can see them and release them.”

I took that as a sign that I needed to trust more.

***

This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).

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If you want to make God laugh

As I lay half-awake in bed around 3 am on May 14, the inner voice started to talk again. At first, with compliments and congratulations regarding the recent workshop on divine guidance.

But then it said,  “I want you to hold an internationally available online seminar”.  And afterwards, I had the song “Live is Life” in my head. I guess that meant it had  to be a ‘live’ webinar.

§@$§&%.!!!

*Sigh*.

Ok, it is not that  bad. After all, I am not required to travel, book venues, invent a logo, print flyers, and all that stuff. It will just be webinar. Just talking into a lifeless camera hole for about an hour. I should be able to accomplish that.

Originally, I had planned to do the workshop on divine guidance end of March 2017 and then to retreat into cave time again in order to rest and  heal more. Maybe my rheumatoid arthritis would improve after a past-life regression hypnosis? I wanted to focus on self-care and healing.

I did not dare to listen to the inner voice because I was afraid it would tell me bluntly what I had to do next. And I am fed up with constantly getting new tasks.

But only about a week after I had posted the script of the workshop, I already got this new assignment.

Afterwards, my usual course of events started, similar to what I have described in ‘the universe’s bag of tricks’.

Resistance, followed by dreams that tried to persuade me with metaphors that  I ‘needed to nurture my baby’. That it would be ‘a piece of cake’. That it is a ‘leap of faith’ which is required and which will lead me to happiness. An inner voice which told me that I must speak.

More resistance, followed by dreams that threatened me (-in one of them a person dressed in a skeleton costume walked behind me, as if to tell me that death is going after me if I resist).

Still more resistance, and I got  clogged drains everywhere and other mirroring patterns (for example,  no network connections or people not answering my comments and emails).

More resistance, and now I feel a tightness in my throat chakra again.  Just like back in 2013, when I resisted sharing  anything of my experiences at all.

Alright. So, I will have to do this webinar if I don’t want to feel choked again.

I wonder where this will lead to. I can see the puzzle pieces falling into place. This blog, the youtube video, the divine guidance workshop. It is all about coming out of hiding and sharing. Expressing myself, becoming visible, and speaking up. And I find it stressful each time I get a new assignment.

I often wonder why I am chosen to speak about guidance even though I am so resistant. Or maybe it is exactly because  I am so resistant?  Maybe I will teach what I need to learn? Not only listening to guidance, but also how the process of surrendering happens in slow motion?

Whenever I asked some channels about these patterns, the answer was always, “Follow your joy.”  Yeah, good idea! My joy is journaling and taking walks in nature. But anything that has to do with workshops is stress. Therefore, it feels as if I have to choose between my joy and my guidance. That is probably not how it is supposed to be.

Rather, I am often thinking of the story of Jonah. He was guided to go and preach in Nineveh but resisted. He got on a turbulent cruise trip  instead and then got a ride in the stomach of a whale which transported him to his destination. Eventually, he had to give up his resistance.

Sure, Jonah, just ‘follow your joy’, and all will be well? Nope. It does not always work that way.

Also, this Bible passage speaks to me
“That servant who knows his master’s will but does not get ready or follow his instructions will be beaten with many blows.” (Luke 12:47) That means once I know what I am expected to do, I better follow it. If I don’t, I will get into trouble. That has been exactly my experience over and over again since 2013.

So, the phase I am going through is still about coming into alignment with the will of my higher self and it feels like I am being kept on an ever shortening leash.

I had other plans after the workshop in March. But if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

 

Divine Guidance Workshop

After much resistance and many pushes by the universe, I gave in and held a pilot version of the divine guidance workshop.

It was the ‘lite version’ of it. Just half a day with only six friends in my living room. No hassle with having to book a venue, no marketing, no traveling.

This event was not only heavily enforced by nudges and pushes of the universe, but many details of it were also guided.

A dream about the target group
When I wrote the script for the workshop, I was not sure who should be the target group. Materialists? Lightworkers? Buddhists?  Christians?

When I asked, I got the answer “We will send you a dream”. And then I dreamt about one of the participants and interpreted that as the prototype of a member of the target group.

Dreams about the chapter on the basics
I wondered whether I should include a chapter on the basics of the spiritual journey in order to let people know that guidance will shift their identity and will also result in a loss of free will.

But wouldn’t this information  deter many readers who might just want to know how to find the right romantic partner or how to make more money?

Then I had two dreams which both indicated that it would be silly  to cut away the foundation and therefore decided to include the chapter on basics.

Advice on the date
In November 2016, I was finally ready to stop procrastinating and set a deadline – just so that I could get that task off my chest.

But when should the pilot version of the workshop take place?

I asked the inner voice and heard “End of March 2017”.

So, I set the date to March 31, and everyone of the participants had time on that day.

Help with single chapters
When I wrote the chapter on synchronicity, I needed a good example as a story to include.

But I was at a loss. I did not want to just quote the old story of Carl Jung and the scarab beetle, but rather tell my own story.

As if to answer this request,  a bird flew against my window. It was a special bird – a canary.  And it had a special connection to our family on that day. You can read more about it in the chapter on synchronicities in the script.

An email which should not be sent
After a draft of the script was ready, I sent it to a friend. He wrote  a lot of detailed feedback into the comments.

When I attempted to answer all his remarks in a lengthy document, my computer program just did not save my answers. About two hours of work were lost.

I took that as a sign that this answer was not to be sent – for whatever reason.

Advice on whom to invite
Three weeks before the workshop, the inner voice told me,  “Can we talk? I don’t want you to ruin this. You need to invite F., too.”

I said, “Yes, I can do that, but F. usually works on Fridays and he will probably not be able join.”

The inner voice replied, “He will come. I promise.”

So, I invited F., and indeed, he participated. And it turned out that his presence was a blessing in several ways.

 

During the last two years, I have learned over and over again in how many ways an endeavor is guided if my higher self wants to make it happen by all means. At first, there are gentle nudges and not so gentle pushes. After the realization that resistance is futile, there is surrender. And in the end the whole universe conspires to support it.

***

I am very grateful to the six participants of the pilot version of the workshop who took the time to test this and who gave me valuable feedback and to all fellow bloggers here on WordPress who have shared how guidance shows up for them, who have encouraged me, and who have offered help in many different ways. Thanks a lot to all of you!

The link to the free script  of the divine guidance workshop (downloadable pdf) can be found here .

Postcards from cave time

I have been nudged and pushed by the inner voice to do a workshop on divine guidance. But I resisted this task a lot. So, I thought it would be a good idea to look at the resistance. Where does it come from?

With this intention, I entered into cave time.  I felt that I first needed to make peace with life and all the loss and pain that is part of the spiritual journey (- think of a caterpillar in the chrysalis stage grieving the loss of the former self), before I could move on with the task of creating a workshop.

Here, are  some postcards from the phase of cave time about the patterns I have experienced.

1. Feeling confused while in the midst of it
   I find it hard to make sense of a phase when I am in the midst of it. It is much easier to look at a difficult time in retrospect and then see what it was good for and what I have learned from it.
2. Connecting the dots in retrospect
   As I read through old journals, I was able to see common topics that came up over and over again. For example, one of them was “Learn to express your view and set boundaries even if that might upset others!” Maybe this is why I am guided to continue blogging?
3. Working through old stuff goes roughly backwards in time.
   First, the most recent ‘forgiveness opportunities’ came up, like anger at work. After that, the older stuff came up for processing (like the painful and crippling rheumatoid arthritis I got after the birth of my first child). Last, some unpleasant childhood memories came up about being treated unkindly in a hospital at the age of 3 years.
   So, that goes roughly backwards in time. However, the whole review process was triggered by a disturbing past-life memory that was revealed to me.
4. Reframing, witnessing, faith
   In order to make peace with emotionally upsetting stuff from the past, for me, it usually comes down to reframing in order to find peace of mind. There is probably some gold nugget in the experience that I must be determined to find.
   For current surges of emotional pain, the witness position was often the only peaceful place to be found.
   When nothing else helped, like with physical pain, I got signs by the universe to just have faith that things would improve over time.
5. The universe uses WordPress
   Whenever I had an urgent question during this time, there would soon be several posts in my WordPress feed which contained an answer to my question. God listens. How comforting!
6. Lists
   Besides journaling, I have found it helpful to make lists of all kinds. The list of recurring issues in my life. The list of things to be grateful for. The list of things my higher self would enjoy doing (sharing my experiences fearlessly) versus the list of things my personality self would enjoy (sitting safely on my couch and reading yet another book).
7. Sharing
   Though I did not blog during the last 10 months, I journaled a lot. But somehow, this was not enough. Whenever I had moved through a topic, someone appeared with whom I was prompted to share. It was as if I was encouraged to spell out for someone else what I had experienced and learned or where I was stuck.Thank you to everyone with whom I could connect during that time!
8. Honoring my inner knowing
   When sharing my process with others, they often felt compelled to suggest solutions to my issues. Often, that was helpful. However, in some cases I had to politely decline their advice and rather honor my own inner knowing about what would be the appropriate next step for me – even if I was sorry to see that the other person felt rejected and disappointed.
9. Advice to others is advice for myself
   I often found that when I gave others suggestions about what I guessed would be helpful in their situation, that was the very thing I needed to tell myself in the next difficult situation.
10. Circling at the fork of surrender
    For me, there is a fork in the road. Surrender and do the workshop on divine guidance and all that is connected with it –  or avoid it.
    On the path of surrender, I need to face much fear.
    On the other hand, the path of avoidance does not face the fear and I could stay in my comfort zone and feel safe, but this only leads to circling and coming back to the decision fork in the road over and over again.
    Unfortunately, the path suggested by the higher self is not always what my personality-self prefers.
11. Twisted memory or jump to another timeline?
    Twice during the last ten months, I had the experience that current facts do not conform to how I had remembered things. Very odd! Is this my lack of memory or is it something like the Mandela effect and the jump to another timeline? Interestingly, both experiences seem to be connected to decisions which made me come into better alignment with my higher self.

What happened to my resistance after all of that cave time? It is still there and I still don’t know exactly where it comes from or what it consists of.

Now, I am back to the former mode of pushing through this workshop task with obedience and self-discipline.

At least, I have set a deadline now. A  pilot version of the workshop on divine guidance with a very small number of participants will take place end of March, 2017.

Dream advice about handling fear

Often, my inner voice asks me to do things which make me cringe with fear. Starting a blog, doing a youtube video, and more which I don’t dare to think about. Recently, fear and overwhelm came up big time again about what changes in lifestyle would be requested from me in the long run. So, I turned within and asked, “Do you have some tips for me on how to handle this fear issue?”

The following night, I had a dream:

I was on a bike ride to the home of my parents and had to cross a bridge. But it became too steep. So, I decided to get off and walk my bike uphill.

On top of the bridge, I was struck by my fear of heights. No balustrade at the side –  eek! Sick with vertigo, I had to focus on just the next step and could not look too far ahead or down to the side.

After I had safely crossed the bridge, I wanted to go home to my parents. But it was too far for a bike ride and I needed to take the bus. After I had asked where the bus stop was, I wondered whether I would be allowed to take my bike inside the bus. At that moment, the bike folded itself so that it was no larger than a closed umbrella. Perfect!

All of a sudden, I was inside the bus taking me home. I wondered how I got in there without actually having entered through the door.

Then, I thought that I must pay the fare and searched my purse for money. But before I could pay, I woke up.

Interpretation:
On your journey Home,
when the road gets too steep, go slowly.
When it is too high, just look to the very next step.
When it is too long to go by yourself, ask for a ride.
And you don’t even need to pay.

Many forms of divine guidance

How can we figure out what Source wants us to do, especially if we cannot hear the inner voice yet?

I was surprised to find out that divine guidance can come in many forms.
All we need to do is ask.
The following list contains examples  (and is by no means exhaustive).

Inner guidance:

1. Visions
2. Dreams with literal or metaphorical meaning
3. Songs that are stuck in the head which have meaningful lyrics
   (example: https://karinfinger.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/thou-shalt-not-blame/)
4. Inner voice (voiceless or audible)
5. Blocks of thought (i.e. sudden mental insight without any formulated sentences)
6. Inner knowing (wordless gut level feeling)
7. Inner urge to do something (for example, the urge to turn to the alarm clock in the morning and switch it off just one minute before it would go off by itself)
8. Physical sensations (like a tingling feeling, muscle twitching, or seeing a tiny visible spark of light)
9. Emotions (for example, feeling guilty or discontent when we are disobeying divine guidance vs. joy when we are on track)
10. Sickness (example: back pain in https://karinfinger.wordpress.com/2014/11/23/coming-out-of-hiding/)
    (Certain body parts can point to different underlying emotional causes.  For more information, see Louise Hay’s book Heal Your Body)

Outer guidance:

1. Words or pictures showing up on the outside world
2. Patterns of events with literal or metaphorical meaning, sometimes mirroring us (example: the clogged drain in https://karinfinger.wordpress.com/2014/12/29/the-power-of-forgiveness/)
3. Opening a book at a random page or drawing a Tarot card
4. Numbers  (like 11:11 ), pennies and dimes, feathers or anything else that we have assigned a meaning to  (like a certain type of car)
   (see Doreen Virtue’s book Signs from Above)
5. Animals can have a meaning according to the shamanic tradition
6. Spirit guides who show up in the flesh in the living room (as described by Gary Renard in The Disappearance of the Universe, or by Pamela Wilson to whom Ramana Maharshi appeared in her bedroom, see http://conscious.tv/text/12.htm ). But these are rather rare cases.
7. Psychic mediums or an insightful friend

Anything can become our teacher. The whole universe is moved by the single invisible hand of Source. We just need to ask.

Stories:

1. The book recommendation
   The same book (by Ramana Maharshi) was recommended twice to Renate McNay by different people. But she wasn’t interested.
   Then, she was in a bookstore and the book fell on her head out of nowhere.
   Finally, she got the message and read the book. (http://conscious.tv/text/12.htm )
2. Customizing the inner voice 
   I insisted that I wanted to hear an audible inner voice. Somehow, I had the idea that in order to be real guidance the voice must be audible.
   So, one morning, I heard an audible voice into my head.
   It said „Freedom” in a very low bass.
   Next week on another morning, I got an audible voice in my head saying something in a high pitch Mickey Mouse voice.
   That seemed like a humorous suggestion for customizing the voice of my internal satellite navigation system. Apparently, Source was making fun of me.
   I felt humbled. But I admired the universe’s teaching methods, patience, and humor.
   And I stayed with the voiceless voice setting.

I’d love to read your stories of guidance, if you feel like sharing them in the comments.

***

Edit (April 2016): Since more than one year the universe tries to push me to put this post into a workshop format. Here you can read with what humorous and humbling methods my guides were trying to conquer my resistance to this endeavor: The universe’s bag of tricks.

Edit (Jan 2018): The link to the free script  of the divine guidance workshop (downloadable pdf) can be found here .

 

Finding the inner teacher

Wouldn’t it be nice to always have access to higher guidance?

Ever since I read Conversations with God, by N.D. Walsch, I desired to be able to hear my wise inner voice, too.

The process is simple (but not easy):

1. Ask
2. Listen
3. Learn to trust

The asking part is important. It is about a heartfelt urgent desire that I really want to know an answer to particular issue. And it is about posing a specific question. Like ‘How can I see the trouble with that person in another light?’

The listening part is important as well. Empty the mind and wait for an answer to arrive. The listening is like waiting for the thunder after one has seen the lightning. Full of attention and waiting. And, of course, full of expectation that the thunder will eventually be heard.

Learning to trust the inner teacher takes time. For me, it was crucial to have experiences where the inner voice told me things I could not have known by myself.

In the beginning, I found it most helpful to do this process with pen and paper. Somehow, typing at the computer did not work too well for me.

I would sit down, alone in a quiet room, and write down a question. Then I would close my eyes, let my mind go blank and wait for an answer to emerge as blocks of thought or as a voiceless voice. I wrote down whatever came up as an answer. Of course, I never knew whether this was my ego talking or the wise inner voice. But I would write it down anyway and then look at it later and see whether it makes any sense.

Sometimes, the answer would not come as an inner voiceless voice. Instead, I would get a dream or a song in my head. Guidance can come in many different forms.

Barriers to listening:

1. Emotional turmoil
   It can be difficult to hear the inner voice if we are in a state of emotional turmoil. Therefore, it is important to learn to reach inner peace.
2. Emptying the mind too much.
   Esther Hicks did that in the beginning before she began to channel Abraham. She let go of her thoughts the moment they emerged. However, Abraham wanted to communicate with her. Luckily, he found a way. He made her spell the answers with her nose by moving her head.
3. Expecting a certain answer or fearing a certain answer.
   That point is important. Because the inner voice will often say things that are contrary to my normal understanding. Therefore, I want to stress that it is helpful be in a state of mind that accepts – or even invites – to have one’s world view shaken.

One word of caution:
Hearing this voice is one thing. Obeying it is a different matter.

And sometimes the voice can get pushy (for example, when it tells me how often I should write a blog post even though I have ‘more important’ things to do – like organizing my children’s birthdays ) .

Oh well, surrender seems to be an integral part of the journey.