After the first probationary session with Ms. Brown, Finn already had an appointment with the psychiatrist who was originally recommended to us by the school principal. Let’s call her Ms. White. We had to drive there by car, but fortunately, the way was shorter than to Ms. Brown. While my husband had done the driving to Ms. Brown, this time I drove.
Ms. White was talkative, very open, and progressive. She had already treated other trans clients before, and in contrast to Ms. Brown, she didn’t grill Finn at all about why he was trans. She just accepted him as he was. What a relief!
But she was very fast in her approach. Very talkative. Finn could hardly say anything. While we merely wanted to have the medical certificate required by the school, she immediately suggested everything in the first session: use the boys’ restroom at school, participate in boys’ physical education, go to yet another psychiatrist–but that would be in Frankfurt, even farther away than Ms. Brown–to get the prescription for puberty blockers and later testosterone. She knew the path forward. And she laid it out in a talkative and rapid-fire way.
And the best thing was that she would have given us the medical certificate for the school right away, without further sessions. How cool was that!
While I thought, wow, finally someone who was open and knew the next steps, I saw Finn, who sat next to me on the sofa, shrinking in posture and feeling uneasy. That speed was too fast for him. He had just had his coming out at school. He had asked for the new name and pronouns to be used. But anything else than that—boys’ restroom and physical education, puberty blockers and testosterone, and an even further drive to yet another psychotherapist—it was clearly too much for him.
Overwhelmed, he withdrew and suggested we should get the medical certificate from Ms. Brown where he was still in the course of the first five probatory sessions.
Oh, no! Why was he doing this? But I let him have his way, trusting that Ms. Brown would eventually give us the medical certificate.
So, we thanked Ms. White, who was astonished about Finn’s decision, and left.
On the way back, as we were waiting in the car at a traffic light, we saw another car right before us. And on the license plate was Finn’s name. Like a friendly hello from the universe. Moments like these lifted my spirits. Even though everything seemed so burdensome, somehow we were watched over by a benign invisible force.
As I wrote in the previous chapter, Ms. Brown ended up canceling Finn’s treatment later and would not give him the medical certificate. So, even though the coming out had already been in the summer and fall of 2016, at the end of 2016, we still didn’t have the medical certificate for the school.
We ended up scheduling a second appointment with Ms. White. However, the next session was in February 2017 because she was fully booked.
But then, another block appeared on the road. I needed to travel to a funeral in Berlin in February. And I wouldn’t be able to drive Finn to Ms. White. My husband had to work, and I didn’t want to burden him with driving Finn to the therapy session. So, I canceled the February appointment and wanted to shift it to a later date. But that would be May 2017. A too long waiting time for Finn.
Then, one early morning, I lay half-awake in bed in the receptive time between sleeping and waking. The inner voice of guidance came in and told me I should not cancel the appointment in February. Instead, I should ask my husband to take off from work and drive Finn to the psychiatrist. My husband was resistant to Finn’s transidentity. And by driving him to the therapy session, he would be able to show some support.
Okay, so I called the psychiatrist again and said that May 2017 would be too late. And whether they still had an appointment in February. Yes, we were lucky, the February date was still available. I also talked to my husband, and he agreed (reluctantly) to take half a day off from work and drive Finn to the therapy session.
Fast forward to February 2017. Finn got the medical certificate one or two weeks after the session with Ms. White, and at the end of February 2017, all of Finn’s teachers used his new name and pronouns.
This was an important milestone after a bumpy ride, and we felt a sense of relief. Part of the bumpiness of the ride was due to my initial resistance to accept the psychiatrist who had been recommended by the school principal because I was afraid that they would exchange data about Finn and because I wanted to have someone closer where Finn could go alone by bike. Another part was due to my son’s feelings of overwhelm. In retrospect, we could have had an easier time if I had trusted the suggested path. But maybe it was good for something? The bumpy road gave us many interesting encounters.
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This post is part of an online book about my journey with feminism and my son’s transgender journey. You can access the table of contents with links to each chapter here: TOC.
Spiritual Awakening 