Why it’s important to love yourself first

This is a contribution to Barbara Franken’s call for posts about why it is important to love ourselves first. https://memymagnificentself.wordpress.com/2015/06/08/loving-self-first-is/

What does it mean to love ourselves first?
For me, it means taking care of my inner peace first. I turn my attention 180 degrees inwards, away from the 3d world, away from all thoughts and emotions, and then I look at awareness itself. That is how I find the place of inner peace. Unconditional inner peace. Peace and joy no matter what the circumstances are.

Inner peace is our real nature.
At first, I thought that inner peace is just another emotional state. But, no! It is our real nature. Being there means being Home.

Inner peace is the place of power.
I realized that wishes tended to be fulfilled promptly when I was in inner peace. I thought, ‘Cool, this is like having a magic wand!’ Whereas when I was in a state of emotional turmoil, weird and annoying things started to happen (- my specialities seem to be broken electrical appliances when I am angry).
If I am not at peace and instead get reactive to the events around me, this emotional state will be the very cause for the next round of disasters. It is as if the universe says, “Dear child, you like feeling angry and upset? Well, let’s see what I can do for you.” And, boom, like a rabbit out of the wizard’s hat, there will be another round of problems.

Inner peace is the place from which intuition comes.
The inner wise voice of guidance can be heard or felt more clearly if we are at peace. Whereas, when there is emotional turmoil, the still small voice is inaccessible.

Inner peace is the place from which love fills us.
We can only give what we have received. We are like a garden hose nozzle with water flowing through. In order to water the plants, the nozzle first needs to receive the water from the source. It can only let out as much water as it has received before. I can only give love when I have received it before. I receive love from inside when I am at peace. If  people don’t find this place of connection to Source, then they can behave clingy in relationships. There will always be searching for fulfillment coming from the outside.

I remember that the Raj material contains many statements about how we must learn to be ‘divinely selfish’. Here is  a quote I have found:

“You cannot think yourself into greater appreciation of another. If you could, your appreciation would be theoretical. Appreciation arises out of Knowing, out of experience. So, let your primary desire be to know your Self more and more significantly. It is to know what God is being, because God is being You. […] You could call this a divine selfishness. But the wonderful thing about divine selfishness is that it blesses everyone, because it does not block the essential Presence of God right where You Are. It does not obscure It.”
(Raj/Jesus, channeled by Paul N. Tuttle, https://nwffacim.wordpress.com/)
Source : CONVERSATIONS WITH RAJ, OCTOBER 1985 ,Vol. 2, No. 10

34 thoughts on “Why it’s important to love yourself first

    1. Thanks for your kind comment, Fran. Yes, women may be more trained to always serve the other person first. So it may be harder to become divinely selfish.
      It takes guts ans self-discipline to stick to this even if the world around us rebels, “How dare you stay at peace in such a situation!”

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Like the Whitney Houston song, learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. I agree with so much of what you have written. All stems from peace. We can only give what we already have, so true.
    Please consider blogging on the 180 degree meditation. I think your words may make this practice more accessible!

    love, Linda

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for this, Karin! It is so timely for me this evening as I am being pushed to react to an acquaintance who is trying to engage me in an unwinnable, unnecessary debate. It is jarring my entire state of mind. Thank you for reminding me to regain my power from within and to return to love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comment, Karen. I am glad that it arrived just in the right time for you.
      I am always amazed about how many posts I find here that seem as if they were made just for me. That happens quite often. I always think that there an orchestrating intelligence behind the scenes that takes ensures that the right people are nudged at just the right time to answer my questions.
      I hope your discussion turned out well and that you stayed in inner peace.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you Karin for this enchanting and engaging article, which itself reads as a most thoughtful meditation. It is odd yet true that the physical world somehow seems to reflect our inner states, and invariably the angry person spends more on crockery than others do, for example. That is a causal effect with an obvious explanation of course, and yet even when there is no physical contact, the same obtains. When emotional charging is particularly intense, there sometimes can be a discharge of static electricity that may be visible, as well as of course, felt. Even gross physical objects like cars can at times be affected by such things, and whilst some claim their car is ‘temperamental’ whilst not meaning it literally, it may be that it is indeed literally so. The distinctions of psyche and matter issue from psyche itself alone of course.

    With all best wishes, Hariod.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks a lot for your kind and generous comment. I am glad to hear that the post resonates with you.
      That is interesting that emotional charge shows up as electricity. Thanks for mentioning that. That would explain my burned out light bulbs.
      In a world where so much depends on electronic devices, it is very important to maintain inner peace. I wonder how many server crashes and computer breakdowns were caused by people who were off balance.
      Best wishes, Karin

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Karin your words bring great insight into the need to go within and nurture one’s self.. When we begin to learn to LOVE our selves we begin to find balance and Peace .. And our inner world then becomes reflective of our outer world.. We are all mirrors and need to look deeper into what we reflect out ..
    Thank you for sharing your wisdom..
    Peace and Love my friend.. Sue

    Liked by 2 people

      1. We are co- creators of this world Karin.. And when people understand what we are seeing reflected back is created from our thoughts.. They may wish to consider what types of thoughts they send out..
        Love and Peace Karin and thank you for your lovely reply

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I enjoyed this article, Karin. I have been wrestling with a few inner demons this week, and because of that have been thinking about the inner in the term inner peace. While it is undoubtedly found within as opposed to through some outer circumstance or means of satisfaction, there are many things besides peace to be found inside as well. It is as if everything we feel is “inner” and the electricity flows from that to create the outer.

    But when we get this “right”, and we are at peace, it is as if it spills over the banks of “inner” and encompasses everything. Have you felt that way before? When we are truly in this peaceful, fulsome place, then it is what we experience in everything. When our emotions are not peaceful, it is like we have a house full of unwanted guests, and we can’t find the room even for a clear breath… And then, miraculously, peace arrives. The house empties out, and our feelings of love journey out through the windows to populate the entire world…

    Inner is a very useful concept, but I think there is also something dimensionless about this, too!


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your kind comment and for sharing your experience.
      Yes, I have felt that, too, that the inner peace spills out and encompasses everything. That can either mean that I feel peaceful even though circumstances are disturbing. Or it can mean that the circumstances suddenly change to become less disturbing.

      I like the metaphor of the house with the unwanted guests when we are not at peace.

      I don’t understand what you mean by
      “Inner is a very useful concept, but I think there is also something dimensionless about this, too!”

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Sorry, I hit reply too soon.

      What do you mean by dimensionless?

      I think the inner dimension is a higher dimension. Looking back at awareness itself and resting there, that is like resting in the higher dimension. It is as if the screen figure of the computer game looks outside of the screen at the person who sits in the chair in front of the computer.

      Awareness or consciousness is to the 3d realm like a sphere is to a 2d plane. It is a higher dimension.


      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Karin,

        By dimensionless I just mean that when I feel full and peaceful, it transcends the sensation of “place”. So it is dimensionless in the sense that it is isn’t localized, or specific. I think it is just another way of saying what you are saying by calling it a “higher dimension.” To me this also means that the feeling of peace is non-local, or flooding this entire plane from every direction. In this sense it is “dimensionless”… It cannot be pinned down, quantified, or said to be here or there. Though it does begin as an “inner” experience, when we allow ourselves to settle into it, it is everywhere and nowhere… :)

        Much Love

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I love what you said about the rabbit out of the wizard’s hat. It really is that fast. The outer always reflects our inner, so when not in inner peace with the magic wand, here comes the rabbit! :) It is good that it is that fast, so we see it right away. That is part of loving self too – seeing it and just smiling and getting back into balance.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.
      Yes, it is amazing how fast the reaction is.
      I have the impression that it gets faster as we progress on the path. And that it also becomes stricter.
      For me, initially there was only a consequence when I was angry. But later, there were also consequences during slight stress or anxiety. The leash is becoming ever shorter and the rules become stricter as we progress.

      Thanks for sharing your experiences here.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. For me, yes it is fast, but I appreciate it because it is an instant reminder to get back into balance in the inner. I liked when you said, “Dear Child…” I feel it is like that. It’s easy for me to say, being in the woods most of the time. It is harder if I have to go to town, see the chaos, hear the news, etc. But I have such good friends there, so it balances out. I always feel the reminders are an opportunity to heal whatever isn’t healed yet or the chance to grow a little deeper. Thanks for responding to my comment, Karen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Mary.
      Yes, it is always a reminder to to heal or grow. I see it that way, too.
      And everything becomes our teacher. The whole universe acts like a single organism conspiring to guide us home.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. You made me think, if we do not look after our self first we become a liability on others.
    Eat right, exercise and savour and appreciate life or our loved ones will have to nurse us back to health. _/\_.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your kind comment. Yes, that is right. Eat right, take good care of ourselves. These are the basics.
      And then there is the emotional side of not trying find fulfillment ‘out there’ while the only place it can truly be found is ‘in here’.
      The former is the topic of self-helps books.
      The latter is the subject of the spiritual journey.
      Best wishes for your journeys,


  9. Hello Karin… they say better late than never… IAM only just catching up on my reading, I didn’t realise you had followed up on my call to write about The importance of loving ourselves first… I love what you have written, it is just so inspiring and this great foundation… the knowing that love is our true nature will guide us on our journey that is becoming so exciting nowadays… Thank you so much and love to you… IAM just going to post another call… to write a follow up to our awakening experience 2 years ago, hope you will join that too Karin… Barbara xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The change after the understanding and release of fears is amazing. We finally ‘touch’ what unconditional love means by finally accepting who we really are within, no longer blocking ourselves with those walls of fear :D
    Great post Karin, thank you for sharing :D

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your kind and deep comment, Mark. I see that you are on your own deeply transformative journey to love and inner peace. “No longer blocking ourselves with those walls of fear” – well said. Fear is like the wall of a castle that lets nobody in. It can just be damn hard at times to overcome fear or let go of it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Most certainly it is hard, or we would never appreciate what it took to find that love within :D
        If it was just given to us we would only take the answer with a grain of salt, and having no impact it would be forgotten too easily to ‘touch’ us deeply and ‘see’ the truth of its journey :D

        Liked by 1 person

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