Paint the way ahead in bold colors

A dream:
I was at a painting workshop and looked at a beautiful oil painting of a sandy path with purple heather at the sides. There were radiant bright colors with stark contrast.

Then, I was asked to describe what the workshop was about.

Awed by the mixture of lime green, pink, olive green, and purple,  I said, ”Here, we can learn to paint the way ahead in bold colors.”

I had this dream in November 2014, just when I started to set up this blog. I share it now because it fits in with the many messages of this time about stepping forward, reinventing, and envisioning a better future.

Dream big.

Spirit guide rant about grief

The destination of the spiritual journey is remembering who we truly are (and then living from that). This is a shift in identity and necessarily entails the loss of the former self-image.

And that loss can be painful. So, there are emotions which have to be looked at, acknowledged, and then let go. They come in layers like in an onion.

Below my layer of anger about feeling exploited, there was a layer of sadness. Sadness about having to let go a huge part of my identity. And the universe nudged me via several posts here on WordPress and a movie (Inside Out) to take care of that layer of sadness again and to grieve.

So, I did grieve. Rather shortly, but very thoroughly. Noticed how the grief came in waves; and how I was about to drown in it.

But then two light bulbs burned out on two consecutive days. Oh no! Not that old problem again. They used to burn out when I was very angry. I thought I was done with that.

What is going on here? I thought I was encouraged to take care of the grief. Why do I get these consequences now?

So, I turned within and asked, “Can I have advice on what to do about the grief? Do you encourage me to grieve or not?”

Here is what I received from the inner voice (of spirit guide A.). It comes as a voiceless voice, like thoughts appearing in my mind which I did not think myself. Sometimes as sentences, sometimes as blocks of thought which I have to put into words. Even though this is not an audible voice, I perceive it as high in intensity, almost shouting at me, impatient to get his point across. I share this as an example of guidance received in an inner voice dialogue.

A: “You can hear me. Don’t pretend that you can’t!
So you want to grieve? Yes, you can do so. And you need to do so. Grief is more appropriate than anger now. You have acted on the anger. So let that go.

Now take care of the grief. Acknowledge it. Heal your wounds. But don’t drown in it! I see that you want to stay home, sit in a corner, hug yourself and cry. But if you take a decision like staying home when there is a party outside, cutting yourself off from friends, wallowing in self-pity, then you are making it real! You are cutting yourself off from Source. You are saying, “Nobody loves me, I am sooo sad that I am not loved, I am a victim, I am hopeless, it is totally justified that I feel like crap and stay at home and cry and will never ever talk to anyone again, especially not about my f*cked up spiritual journey. Because I am such a fraud. Because I believe that it is inappropriate to feel sadness if I am committed to inner peace.”

That is bullshit. BULLSH*T. Do I need to repeat it again? [BLEEP!]

Acknowledge the sadness, yes! But don’t give in to it. That means don’t let yourself be pulled into it. It is like a giant arm which comes out of a dark lake and grabs you and pulls you into the water. See the arm , but don’t grab the hand. Don’t drown. Because it is built on a lie! You are grieving the loss of your former self-image. But you have never been that! You are the consciousness that contains it  and contains everything else. You are the screen on which the scene is painted. Don’t identify yourself with that little person part on the screen. Let go of the attachment to that person.

If you give in to the grief too much, you are making it real. You are telling yourself that grief is justified because you have really lost something.

However, loss is not possible.

Remember past events when you have lost something. Hasn’t it been replaced with something better? Sometimes you need to make space for something new. It is like decluttering your closet. Make space to breathe. And then you can get new clothes.”

K: “Why is this so hard? Why do I have such a hard time to feel grief and yet not get sucked into it? Clearly, the light bulbs indicate that I have gone too far, don’t they?”

A: “Yes and no [smiles]. There is no wrong path, remember. There is no ‘too far’. You are just presented with the consequences of your thoughts. Always. Free of judgment. So, do you want to think these thoughts?

You must learn not to do what the feeling makes you want to do.

If the anger makes you want to kick someone else’s shin, you have learned not to give in to that urge, right?

Same here. If the sadness makes you want to cut yourself off from friends, then do not follow that urge. Acknowledge the sadness, yes. But do not get led into an action by it.

Watch from the witness place. Stay conscious.”

After that pep-talk, the current wave of grief lasted a few more days and then subsided. At least for the time being. Since this process comes in a spiralling movement which feels like back and forth, back and forth,  I am not sure whether this phase will return or not.

I wanted to make the point that inner peace is not about suppressing emotions, but about acknowledging them, feeling them,  and then letting them go. And inner guidance is always available to us.

Dream advice about handling fear

Often, my inner voice asks me to do things which make me cringe with fear. Starting a blog, doing a youtube video, and more which I don’t dare to think about. Recently, fear and overwhelm came up big time again about what changes in lifestyle would be requested from me in the long run. So, I turned within and asked, “Do you have some tips for me on how to handle this fear issue?”

The following night, I had a dream:

I was on a bike ride to the home of my parents and had to cross a bridge. But it became too steep. So, I decided to get off and walk my bike uphill.

On top of the bridge, I was struck by my fear of heights. No balustrade at the side –  eek! Sick with vertigo, I had to focus on just the next step and could not look too far ahead or down to the side.

After I had safely crossed the bridge, I wanted to go home to my parents. But it was too far for a bike ride and I needed to take the bus. After I had asked where the bus stop was, I wondered whether I would be allowed to take my bike inside the bus. At that moment, the bike folded itself so that it was no larger than a closed umbrella. Perfect!

All of a sudden, I was inside the bus taking me home. I wondered how I got in there without actually having entered through the door.

Then, I thought that I must pay the fare and searched my purse for money. But before I could pay, I woke up.

Interpretation:
On your journey Home,
when the road gets too steep, go slowly.
When it is too high, just look to the very next step.
When it is too long to go by yourself, ask for a ride.
And you don’t even need to pay.

Divine communication devices: trucks

The universe uses whatever is available to communicate with us.  Here are three stories about truck inscriptions.

1. When I was doing a lot of forgiveness work and reading a lot of ACIM (which is a Jesus channeling), I saw a truck saying, ‘Christ. Die erste Adresse für Umzüge’, which means ‘Christ. The first address when you are moving house‘. Moving my belief system from one set of beliefs to another also required Christ.
2. In summer 2015, I had promised to write a draft for a course about many forms of divine guidance. When the deadline was approaching, I saw a truck with the inscription ‘www.nicht-bummeln.de’  
   (back then, this led to http://www.utke-transporte.de).
   ‘Nicht bummeln’ translates into ‘don’t dawdle’. I took the admonishment personally and wrote a large part of the draft on that same day.
   It is interesting to note that I never got this sort of push regarding my day job or household chores. Source seems to care more about waking up than about anything else.
3. ‘I am so sad, I am really longing for someone to comfort me,’ I thought.
   The next day, I saw a truck  with the inscription ‘Trost Transport’ , which translates into ‘Solace Transport’. How nice! I can have a truck load of solace;-)

Behind the scences, there is an awesome orchestrating intelligence at work. It uses whatever it can get for communicating with us. And it definitely has a sense of humor.

Eventually, these synchronicities lead to the insight that we are not who we thought we were. But that we are consciousness which contains all. And that whatever is going on within the body-mind is mirrored in the seemingly outside world.

5 insights after 1 year of blogging

I have been blogging about the spiritual journey for one year now and want to share what have I learned.

1. With a sense of relief, I see that it is not nearly as dangerous as I assumed in the beginning. I was very afraid and reluctant to start a blog and only did so because I was pressured by my inner voice/spirit guides. I thought if I write publicly about all the strange things  which have happened to me (like burned out light bulbs by anger and manifesting the weather) that I would encounter “issues” (like, uhm, do they still burn witches at the stake?).
2. The tone of conversation is much more friendly than in an internet forum, where discussions often drift into flame wars.
3. I am amazed by the variety of spiritual paths. So many different approaches! Buddhists, Lightworkers, Christians, ACIM students, hardcore spiritual seekers, they all approach the life’s journey with a somewhat different belief system and set of tools. Also, the variety of expression is amazing. Poetry, essays, stories, uplifting quotes, and advice.
   I am grateful for new friends, new perspectives, and new insights.
4. Geography belonged to my least-favorite subjects at school. But looking at the world map of the WordPress statistics page is fun. Occasionally, a web search arrives on my blog from a country of which I had never heard the name before.
5. Often, there seemed to be similar underlying subjects for many bloggers in a given time frame.
   For example, I had just published a post about the painful loss of the former self-image. And then another post about that topic came up. But the other blogger for sure did not know my blog.
   At another time, many people were blogging about time, multiple timelines, and time travel. I didn’t write about time then. But I lost my watch during that time.
   At yet another time, it was about visibility. Many were publishing their first picture, voice recording, or video.
   It is as if we are indeed all pulsed by the same divine Source.

Thank you, dear readers, for all your likes, comments, and for the warm welcome I have received here!