One day in October 2014, intense sadness about the situation at work came up. Not only was I still not promoted, but I had just found out that the information about everyone’s career level was now internally visible for everyone in our company who would care to find out. (Yeah, I know, probably nobody cared anyway.)
I felt anger because this had suddenly been published. I didn’t remember having been informed about it. It’s none of anyone’s business to know about my career level, is it? Why on earth did someone suddenly decide to make this information internally visible? But even more than anger, I felt a deep sense of shame and sadness about that. I wanted to stay away from everyone and be alone, drowning in my grief.
My guidance tried to soothe me in many ways. Talking to me, sending me a dream as a warning, sending me a happy song. But to no avail. I just wanted to shut myself off from everyone and be left alone.
Five days later when I was still in that bad mood, I logged in to my PC at work. But, what a surprise, I could not get connection to the company network. In particular, that meant no phone to call the hotline and no means to open a service request. I had to ask two colleagues for help to create an online service request for me.
When I finally managed to talk to someone from the IT support, they diagnosed the issue and said that for some weird reason the ‘Global’ group was missing on my PC. And probably someone would have to come to my PC to recreate it.
Then, I left my desk to get a cup of tea and managed to become silent and think about what might have caused this issue.
Suddenly it dawned on me that this weird behavior of my PC mirrored my bad mood and my wish to be left alone. I mean I was shut off from the network, literally. So, I managed to confess that to myself and then went back to my desk.
To my surprise, the network connection was now working again even though nobody from the support had restored any ‘Global’ group on my PC.
Two things are noteworthy in this story:
A) Processing emotions on this journey is a tricky thing for me. Suppression is not good as this can lead to health issues. But feeling the emotion and then drowning in it can also lead to unwanted side effects.
B) There is amazing power in forgiveness of such events. I have repeatedly found that technical issues vanish when I realize that they just mirror something inside of me.
(Other stories are Power of forgiveness and Forgiveness and lost emails).
This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).