PC issues mirroring intense emotions

One day in October 2014, intense sadness about the situation at work came up. Not only was I still not promoted, but I had just found out that the information about everyone’s career level was now internally visible for everyone in our company who would care to find out. (Yeah, I know, probably nobody cared anyway.)

I felt anger because this had suddenly been published. I didn’t remember having been informed about it. It’s none of anyone’s business to know about my career level, is it? Why on earth did someone suddenly decide to make this information internally visible? But even more than anger, I felt a deep sense of shame and sadness about that. I wanted to stay away from everyone and be alone, drowning in my grief.

My guidance tried to soothe me in many ways. Talking to me, sending me a dream as a warning, sending me a happy song. But to no avail. I just wanted to shut myself off from everyone and be left alone.

Five days later when I was still in that bad mood, I logged in to my PC at work. But, what a surprise, I could not get connection to the company network. In particular, that meant no phone to call the hotline and no means to open a service request. I had to ask two colleagues for help to create an online service request for me.

When I finally managed to talk to someone from the IT support, they diagnosed the issue and said that for some weird reason the ‘Global’ group was missing on my PC. And probably someone would have to come to my PC to recreate it.

Then, I left my desk to get a cup of tea and managed to become silent and think about what might have caused this issue.

Suddenly it dawned on me that this weird behavior of my PC mirrored my bad mood and my wish to be left alone. I mean I was shut off from the network, literally.  So, I managed to confess that to myself and then went back to my desk.

To my surprise, the network connection was now working again even though nobody from the support had restored any ‘Global’ group on my PC.

Two things are noteworthy in this story:

A) Processing emotions on this journey is a tricky thing for me. Suppression is not good as this can lead to health issues. But feeling the emotion and then drowning in it can also lead to unwanted side effects.

B) There is amazing power in forgiveness of such events. I have repeatedly found that technical issues vanish when I realize that they just mirror something inside of me.
(Other stories are Power of forgiveness and Forgiveness and lost emails).


This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).


Guides don’t do our homework

I asked what I should do with my life. What the heck is my mission in this incarnation? If my guides could please just let me know. Everything could be so much easier if they could just frankly tell me what I needed to do.

Afterwards, I got the following dream (Sept, 2014):

My son has some homework to do in mathematics. But he is too slow. Therefore, I attempt to help and solve the tasks for him.

Then the scene shifts. And this time, the homework is like a board with little light bulbs and electric cables and circuits. It is obvious that the task is to get all the light bulbs to go on by putting all the cables and plugs into the right places.

This time, if the student makes an error, there is a red warning light and an alarm sound.

I interpreted the message of this dream as : ‘Sorry, we cannot let you know what you have to do in this lifetime. This would be as if you did the homework for your son. He would not learn anything. Figuring out your life’s mission is like putting the electric plugs into the right place. If you do it the wrong way, there will be plenty of warning signals.’


This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).


I am not the doer

In May 2014, I had an experience that made me question my assumption about myself. Here, I repost the blog entry I’m not the doer :

A while ago, I was inquiring into the aggregates of the little ‘me’, this separate entity, which is a sticky illusion.

And one thing I was stuck with was the sense of being the author of an action. I know I am awareness, and the body-mind arises in awareness (and not the other way round) – and yet there is this sense that this body-mind can choose to do an action. I was reading Consciousness Speaks by Ramesh Balsekar, and he repeats over and over that we are not the ‘doer’ of an action but that the action happens through us.

Theoretically, I understood that, but I longed for an experience that would make it clear to me.

Now, imagine Source smiling behind the curtain, thinking, ‘Let’s have some fun with her and teach her this lesson.’

On the next weekend, I went for a short walk to the woods. The rest of my family stayed inside. I left the house, shut the door, and walked 20 minutes to a bench. I sat down, relaxed and enjoyed the beauty of the hillside and the trees. After a while, I decided to get up and go back home.

All of a sudden, I realized I didn’t have my waist pack with me (which I usually use for keys, money, etc).

OMG! Panic. My mind started racing. The keys, credit cards, driver’s license… I went back to the bench. No waist pack there. Then, I started running back home. Was it lost along the way?

After a few minutes, my mind calmed down. No way, I could have lost the waist pack. I would have noticed that. I probably had forgotten to take it with me in the first place.

I arrived at home , my children opened the door and the waist pack and keys were safely at home.

What a relief!

What did I learn from that?

I have never forgotten my keys before. I used to assume that this is due to the fact I am a well-organized person and in control of my actions.

Ha! How wrong! I am not in control.

That lesson proved to me that the thought ‘Now take the waist pack with me before I go out’ is put into my mind from outside. That means this body-mind is not the author of the action.

How humbling for my ego to realize that the body-mind is on remote control!

I’m always fascinated to see how the universe acts as a teacher and how requests for lessons are answered in a gentle but powerful way.


This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).



Bringing spirituality to earth: the Golden Rule

On March 24, 2014, in the receptive phase between sleep and awakening, I had a vision.
I saw the outlines of two people (probably guides), and one of them had a kind of sword or stick in his hand which he was moving fast downwards.

And during the motion, there was purple light on the upper side of the stick and red light on the lower side, like flames.

Then the guide said, „This is something you are going to need now.“

What did that mean?

At that time, I experimented with Aura-Soma equilibrium oils, little bottles with two phases of liquid with various color combinations and scents and different healing effects. I wondered, would I need to buy the  mixture no. 65 which was purple on  top and red on the bottom half?

The oil no. 65 had the description “bringing spirituality to earth”. So, I guessed that this was probably the meaning they intended to convey.

It turned out that that vision was an announcement of the experiences I would have later.

Don’t interfere in another’s work

One of my children got a bad grade in his math test. And, even worse, when I checked his correction, I saw that he had done it sloppily.

I became upset and admonished him to do the correction again. But he was still reluctant. Isn’t this my job as mother to check that the homework is done properly, and if not, then to ask for a correction? I felt that my action was totally justified.

But only two days later, something happened which made me wonder.

I had just completed some piece of computer coding. I wanted to get it quickly off my to-do list and had done the coding in a quick-and-dirty style.

Then, one of my colleagues looked at the coding and sent me a mail, inquiring why I hadn’t written the coding in a different way.

I was mad. This was none of his business. It was my coding. Why did he think that he could interfere? Why did I need to justify my coding style to him?

After my anger had cooled down, I saw the reciprocity of events. My interference in my child’s homework and my colleague’s interference in my work.


But reciprocity did also work in other ways. During the same time period, I gave book as a surprise gift to a friend of mine.

Shortly afterwards, another friend of mine came to me and returned two books which I had lent her. As a thank you, she gave me a voucher for a bookstore. How great!

It seemed as if the vision of the purple and red flames around the stick was about “bringing spirituality to earth”, and that meant being aware of reciprocity or the Golden Rule.


This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).