After being nudged to create a blog, I came out of hiding. Here I share some noteworthy events which occurred around that time.
Meeting people in breakdown/breakthrough phases
In the summer of 2014, I was informed by the inner voice and in a dream that I would get a ‘new job description’. Then in the fall of 2014, I suddenly found myself being around strangers who just had a breakdown with a medical emergency. I would coincidentally walk by someone who just had just fallen down or passed out on the sidewalk. In all cases, the ambulance was already there, or at least someone else was taking care of them so that my help was not needed. I was just passing by. The events came so frequently that I suspected it was no coincidence but rather a message of some sort.
But what did it mean? After some guessing around, I settled on the interpretation ‘you meet people who have a breakdown’, meant in a metaphorical way, of course.
And indeed, that was what had already been happening since a while. Since around October 2013, I found myself synchronistically coming into contact with people who either just had a burnout or were about to have one, and other people in transformative life situations, like leaving a job or going through a divorce. It just wasn’t frequent enough for me to notice it. But now I realized that it was a pattern. And it seemed to point out that there was some underlying theme that I needed to pay attention to. Meeting people who are in a breakdown/breakthrough phase in their life.
However, what did not come with the task description was an instruction of what my role was supposed to be. Am I expected to do anything and what? Or would I just meet these people because I have been through a situation of breakdown myself (in the dark night of the soul) and therefore I would attract people in similar circumstances? I didn’t get an answer to that question, but it turned out that we would just meet synchronistically, connect, and share our stories.
The ginkgo tree
After all the nudges in the previous month to start a blog, I finally began to dig in. I chose WordPress as blogging platform, chose a layout theme, and put some work into the privacy statement and the legal disclosure page ( – I remember that the last part was annoying).
Then I needed a picture. I wasn’t aware from where to get license free images. So, I thought it would be best to just take my own photographs. But of what subject? I thought that the blog should be something joyful. And for me, joy is reflected in colored leaves of a tree against a brilliant, blue sky.
On November 23rd, 2014, we had blue sky and a fantastically yellow ginkgo tree in our neighborhood. That seemed like a perfect subject for a picture which transported the essence of joy. I took my camera out and took a photograph and used that as my blog picture and my avatar on WordPress. I just did it because it seemed like such a beautiful chance to catch the sight of the vibrantly yellow leaves against the clear blue sky. And indeed, this combination was rare and did not occur in later years. Instead, all the leaves were either green or already gone when there was a blue sky in autumn.
Taking the picture for the blog was just a spontaneous decision because I needed a pretty photograph immediately, but later I pondered whether the ginkgo tree was meant to be on my blog. My mom always told me that its leaves are special. The veins of ginkgo leaf never branch to form a network (they never have a bigger middle vein like other leaves) and the trees are very old. Like a dinosaur among trees, but a surviving one. Ginkgo symbolized resilience. I also remembered that as a gift for my doctorate thesis, my mom wanted to buy me a special necklace. I chose one with two silver ginkgo leaves. So, maybe it wasn’t just coincidence that I chose the ginkgo tree. Maybe it had a deeper meaning for me.
Coming out of hiding
On the same day when I took the picture of the ginkgo tree, I also wrote my first blog post Coming out of hiding. And four days later, on Nov 27, 2014, I adjusted the blog status so that it was publicly visible.
Switching it from private to publicly visible was one thing. But then I hesitated again, before I set it to searchable by internet search engines. But eventually, I did that, too.
Okay. Done. Now I had a blog and had fulfilled the order which I had been given on October 23, 2014 to start a blog.
The stubborn baby tooth
I had wished for a sloooow ramp-up of this sharing of my spiritual journey. Still clinging to my privacy. Still hiding in anonymity.
In September 2014, something strange happened. My son (who had no problems with getting new teeth previously) suddenly had a new tooth emerging while the baby tooth still had not fallen out. It was sort of dangling there, only loosely connected. Not of any use anymore, but still stubbornly held onto.
Two teeth in the same spot – that is a very strange sight. I gave a homeopathic remedy which is supposed to help in such cases . To no avail.
Then it occurred to me that this was a mirror of my situation. It was as if Source was smiling at me, saying, “You wanted a sloooow ramp-up? This is what a slow ramp-up looks like. Still clinging to your anonymity like your son’s body is clinging to the baby tooth. And it causes the new tooth to be slightly displaced. Think again. Is that what you really want?”
Uh. I got the message.
I told my son that we would see the dentist in December. And if the tooth hadn’t fallen out by then, it would have to be pulled out. My son was scared.
When I finally decided to make my blog publicly available on Nov 27, 2014, two days later, the stubborn baby tooth finally fell out. No dentist needed. What a relief!
This was one of the many broad hints I received from the universe that writing a blog was the way forward for me.
In the metaphor of the hike, I had come from the flat land and then gone a long and winding road uphill to the mountaintop. Each turn in the road during my uphill journey was preceded by a challenge which made me search for solutions. And each solution showed me more about who I am and how life works.
At the mountaintop, I looked back at awareness itself which was like seeing my reflection in a clear lake and felt peaceful and joyful.
From there, the journey went downhill again with two discernible strands or parts. One part was about more lessons and tests and integration of what I had learned. The other part was about divine guidance and sharing. And the latter was like following the flow of a river with little procrastination loops at the riverside each now and then.
The resistance to blogging had sent me into another procrastination loop on the riverside. But this time due to the strict guidance I got, it was only a tiny one. Finally surrendering and giving in to writing online was a major milestone for me.
This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).