Arrival at the mountaintop: awareness watching awareness

On my spiritual journey, I had gone a slow and winding road uphill, with turning points from rheumatoid arthritis to homeopathy, from overwhelm to spirituality, and from anger to acceptance.

My worldview had shifted a great deal. And through acceptance of the situation at work, I had arrived at a certain level of inner peace.

But letting go of my expectations about rewards at work was not the only thing that helped me to arrive at inner peace. Another important piece of inner peace was that I came to see myself as awareness. Since about the beginning of 2012, I had done a certain type of meditation, called ‘awareness watching awareness’. In my meditation practice, I turned the focus of attention 180 degrees inwards and looked back at that which is looking.  That is where our connection to Source is. And I found not only peace but also joy there.

I wrote about the meditation method and what it felt like for me in the post
Describing the ineffable.

So, I did that awareness watching awareness meditation, and it made me feel peaceful and joyful. Using the metaphor of the hike, it led me on a steep and direct path to that which I regard as the mountaintop of my journey.

Why do I place this at the mountaintop? The spiritual journey goes inwards and then outwards again (as in going out into life and interacting with the world again). And for me, looking back at awareness itself was the most inwards point on that journey.
In the hike-metaphor, I do not picture the journey as inwards and outwards, but instead as up to the mountaintop (=inwards) and then downhill again (=outwards). And at the top, I found a lake. Looking back at awareness is depicted as looking back at myself in the mirror of the lake.

Mirror_lake_2

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This post is part of a series about my spiritual journey (table of contents).

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